


Lost in Kishimoto

by Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, M/M, Ninja World and Real World Collide, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-08
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2017-12-04 16:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/712579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants/pseuds/Mass_Effecting_Your_Pants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. "Hm," said a gruff voice at Naruto's ankles. "Definitely not a clone." Uzumaki's eyes dropped to his feet to see a small pug dog sniffing him. "It's not our Naruto but it's definitely a Naruto," continued the pug. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it seems like he isn't from our timeline." "A…talking…dog..?" Naruto mumbled. And then he fainted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfiction.net under the following:-
> 
> Title: Lost in Kishimoto  
> Category: Anime/Manga » Naruto  
> Author: Mass Effecting Your Pants  
> Language: English, Rating: Rated: M  
> Genre: Humor/Romance  
> Published: 03-01-10, Updated: 02-18-12  
> Chapters: 5, Words: 13,697
> 
> **Some time ago there was this show on TV that my mum and I absolutely loved. It was called Lost in Austen (as in Jane Austen), and it gave me the idea for this fic. Lost in Austen's basically about an English chick who finds Elizabeth Bennett in her bathroom. They manage to accidentally switch places (through time and fiction!) and this chick finds herself falling for Mr Darcy and frets that she's gonna mess with the whole system if Mr Darcy falls for her too, which he does of course. It's a fangirltastic fun yarn!
> 
> Anyway, long story short, Real World Naruto gets unintentionally dragged in to the Ninja World.
> 
> Now, I know how lots of peeps don't like surprises so a heads-up: pairing will be RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke.

_**LiK: Chapter One** _

It was a Tuesday. It started out like any other Tuesday for Naruto in that he woke up. But on this particular Tuesday, that was where the normality stopped. The out of the ordinary began, Naruto thought, when he woke up to stare directly in to jet black eyes.

"Fucking hell," the jet black eyes said. "You sleep like the goddamn dead, Naruto."

And so, like any normal person would upon waking to find a stranger in their bedroom hovering over them, Naruto yelled and lashed out sending what appeared to be, on closer inspection, a boy his age sprawling. Uzumaki armed himself with his table lamp before easing slowly toward the intruder, his adrenaline spreading around his body as the boy sat up, wiping a trickle of blood from his mouth with a slight grimace.

"You know, that really wasn't necessary."

Naruto blanched as the other spat blood on to his floor rug.

"Man, don't be flinging your blood around! You have any idea how bad that's gonna stain?!"

The intruder stared at Naruto for a moment before frowning, pulling himself to his feet with the help of the bedside table. "What the hell are you yelling at me for? You're the one who punched me, Uzumaki."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, glaring at the boy as he brandished his table lamp. "Who the hell are you, what are you doing in my dorm room, how the fuck did you get in and why do you know my name?!"

"You…don't know who I am?"

A flicker of confusion and a hint of worry crossed the other's face, causing Naruto to lower his weapon slightly. "Uh no. Look, you should definitely leave. Are you drunk or something? I can take you back to your own dorm if you tell me the number. Still, I'm pretty sure I locked my-"

"I don't live here," the intruder interrupted suddenly, his eyes darting around the room. "This doesn't seem right at all. I don't understand."

Naruto backed away somewhat, rather unsettled by the other teen's troubled expression. "Look man, you're sorta freaking me out. Is there someone you can call to come get you or something?"

"You're freaked out?!" the boy with the jet black eyes demanded, taking a step forward, his attention solely on Naruto. "You're asking me questions that I should be able to answer. I don't know where we are. I certainly don't know why I'm here. I don't recognise anything except you, and you don't know who the fuck I am!"

"Whoa, whoa, chill out, mate," Naruto returned his lamp to its rightful place, figuring he could hold his own against the other teen. "Don't work yourself up."

"Right, right," the intruder muttered, sitting on the edge of Naruto's bed distractedly. "There has to be a logical explanation."

"Fuck, make yourself at home why don'tcha," Naruto mumbled under his breath, crossing his arms as he glared.

The stranger seemed to be thinking deeply; elbows on knees with his hands clasped in front of his face, eyes closed in a pose that appeared rather practiced.  
  
Naruto took the opportunity to finally look at the other boy, noticing that his attire was a tad peculiar. Perhaps more than a tad. For one, Uzumaki thought, ain't no one in their right mind would wear a puffy green vest over what looked to be an almost skin-tight dark blue body suit. This weird get up was accompanied by matching sandals. Sandals! Naruto stared at the odd footwear, wondering if they could really be classed as sandals; and yet they weren't quite shoes either. They're like…peep toes for men, he sniggered inwardly.  
  
His gaze flicked to the bandages that appeared to be strapping some sort of container to the boy's upper right leg…and Naruto wondered why the hell the guy didn't use a backpack like a normal person, or the many pockets in the horrifying puffy vest. The finishing touch to the peculiar outfit was the black bandana with a metal plate attached to the front somehow, a strange mostly circular symbol etched carefully in the centre.  
  
The boy himself was a bit of an oddity as well in Naruto's opinion. The lean and muscular frame revealed the teen was much fitter than average, and yet he apparently exercised in the dark if his almost unnatural paleness was anything to go by. His fair skin was made all the more obvious due to the contrasting pitch black hair that defied all sorts of gravity laws.

Upon completing his quick and thorough inspection of the intruder, Naruto really wished he hadn't put his table lamp down. He couldn't help but feel that this teen was capable of kicking his ass, and would likely have no qualms about carrying out said ass-kicking. Naruto was slowly edging toward his dorm phone when black eyes shot open and pinned him.

"Your appearance is different."

"Huh?" Naruto replied eloquently, too relieved that the boy hadn't noticed his movement to really process the statement.

"The marks on your cheeks, they're gone."

Naruto frowned, remembering he was dealing with a crazy person. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"The marks!" the other teen barked, a hand pushing through his hair in frustration. "The fucking whisker scars that you've always had!"

Uzumaki shook his head slowly, again moving toward his phone. "I've never had marks on my face. Well I lie; I had a couple of pimples during high school but that's it. Ah, well, I guess I'm still lying…I'm pretty sure I've got a couple of freckles on my nose. But, er, that's it."

The intruder tugged at his hair for a moment, clearly aggravated. "It's at least comforting to know that you're still an idiotic retard."

Naruto halted immediately, eyes blazing as he spun toward the other teen. "What the hell did you just call me, bastard?! You break in to my room and think it's a good idea to insult me?! How about you leave right this goddamn second!"

Naruto got the impression that his shouting at the guy seemed to calm and relax the intruder, which didn't make an awful lot of sense. He was more distracted by the two knives the teen seemed to pull out of nowhere and launch in his direction. Naruto only just managed to dodge one while the other lodged itself rather securely in his left bicep. He stared at it for a second before the pain kicked his shock out of the way.

"Holy shit!" he screamed, eyes wide as they darted between the knife and the crazy person. "You just tried to kill me!"

The black-eyed teen raised an eyebrow and looked a little concerned. "You…aren't a shinobi?"

"A…a… _shinobi_?! What the absolute _fuck_ are you talking about?!"

Naruto didn't know what sort of steps you ought to take when faced with a homicidal insane bastard, and it was a little hard to think with the way blood seeped down his arm to drip on his carpet. He winced when he touched the knife tentatively, immediately dismissing the idea of yanking it out.

"Ah…" said the homicidal insane bastard. "Sorry. Though I don't know why you're fussing so much. Kyuubi will heal you in minutes."

Naruto snapped, gritting his teeth through the pain of having a _knife embedded in his arm_. "Oh. My. God. Get the fuck out of my room. I have no idea what the hell you’ve been yammering about but it's infinitely obvious that you are a total complete fucked up psycho. I'm calling the police."

Something in his expression must have registered through the craziness since the intruder took a step backward. Naruto took the opportunity to leap for his dorm phone, but before he could punch in the emergency number the phone's shrill ring made him jump.

"Yes? Hello?" Uzumaki hollered down the line. "There's a goddamn crazy in my room trying to kill me!"

He ignored the apparently amused snort of said crazy, though became increasingly wary as the kooky teen moved closer.

"Naruto? What the hell are you yelling about?" yawned the caller. "Did you know your screaming woke me up? I can hear you through the wall."

"Nara!" he replied, irritated, relieved…and concerned as the intruder inspected the phone piece with a great deal of intrigue. "Did it occur to you that I might be under attack to be screaming so much? There's a dude in my room. Fucking weirdo! And he knifed me!"

"He knifed you?" Shikamaru repeated, sounding a little more awake and rather concerned. "He's still there and letting you use the phone? Do you know who he is? Did you know it's four o'clock in the morning? I should still be asleep, you know."

Naruto floundered with too many questions and a crazy person leaning too close asking what the thing he was talking in to was called. "Yeah. Knife…in my arm. Still here. It's a fucking phone you psycho! Take a step back…you're freaking me out! Never seen him before in my life…dressed real strange too. I think he's gonna beat me to death with my phone."

Shikamaru sighed. "I'll be right over with my golf club."

"What! Don't you have something more lethal like a gun or something?! I'd feel much safer if you said you were coming with an actual weapon."

"Naruto, my follow through is so awesome it _is_ a weapon. See you in a moment."

The teen set the phone back in its cradle, edging away as the black-eyed teen picked up the phone and held it against his ear.

He spoke in to the mouth piece. "Hello?"

Naruto stared. "…You've gotta key in the number of the person you want to call first."

"Ah, right," said the intruder, obviously confused and obviously trying to hide it. "So, do you know the number to call Kakashi?"

"I don't know who the hell you're talking about. I have a phone book if you want to look it up," Uzumaki offered, since he wanted the guy gone.

"Oi Naruto! Your door's locked!"

The teen jumped at Shikamaru's sudden yell, but leapt toward the door in a heartbeat. He was already shouting as he swung the door open.

"Look Nara! He fucking knifed me! I dodged one but he bloody threw two at me! Hell, just get him out of my-"

"Kunai?"

Naruto gaped at his friend, taking in his tousled hair and clothes as well as the promised golf club. "Huh?"

"Kunai," Shikamaru repeated firmly, staring at the knife in Uzumaki's arm. "How the hell did you get a kunai…"

Naruto didn't much like the peculiar expression on his friend's face, and he certainly didn't like the way Nara appeared somewhere between surprised and shocked as he stared over Naruto's shoulder.

"Uchiha…Sasuke?"

"…Shikamaru?"

Naruto stared at the pair. "You guys _know_ each other?!"

Shikamaru pushed past the gobsmacked boy. "What are you doing here?"

Naruto looked on in dismay as the crazy known as Sasuke made himself comfortable on his bed again.

"I have close to no idea."

"You're even wearing the Leaf uniform," Shikamaru mused, his golf club hanging in his hand loosely. "So you were accepted back in to the village?"

"Yeah," Sasuke replied quietly. "The Elders were easily convinced. Others-"

He darted a glance so fast to Naruto that Shikamaru almost missed it.

"-Others not so."

"Oh, what, don't tell me you were surprised by that?" Nara snorted, having never warmed to Uchiha…with good reason. "You tried to kill him, what, two-three times? You thought he'd always be tolerant of your complete stupidity? He wanted to bring you back but I think you were _very_ successful in severing your bond."

Naruto watched the exchange with as much interest as his bleeding arm allowed; his friend was getting worked up and he had never seen that happen. However, with what Shikamaru was saying, Naruto was becoming even more wary of the intruder.

Sasuke glared but Shikamaru lifted his chin, unaffected.

"I was young then," Uchiha dropped his glare to his clasped hands. "I made hasty decisions, and the curse seal…didn't help."

"Didn't help?" Nara repeated in disbelief. "From what I could see and the reports I read, it warped your mind."

Suddenly Sasuke was on his feet, fists clenched. "Then you might have an idea then of how it was so hard to remember that I didn't want him dead every time we met! Orochimaru's influence was stronger than I anticipated, stronger than Kakashi anticipated. I hadn't…I hadn't factored that in to my plans. It brings me only relief knowing that snake is dead."

"I'm sorta wondering," Naruto interrupted without preamble, his hand still trying to stem the blood seeping from his wound.

"I'm sorta wondering," he said again when he had the attention of the other two, "how you two know each other. And I'm wondering how Sasuke - is it? - got in to my room when the door was locked, and was still locked when Shikamaru got here. And I'm wondering why you're talking about weird things like seals and killing people and elders and bonds. And I'm wondering if I lost so much blood that I'm seeing things because that guy just appeared out of thin air."

Sasuke and Shikamaru's gaze followed Naruto's slightly shaky pointed finger to settle on a new addition to Naruto's dorm.

"And I'm sorta wondering," Naruto continued, "why the hell this guy looks exactly like me."

The two blonds obviously shared identical features, save for the strange whisker-like markings on the new Naruto's cheeks. Naruto v2.0 was also wearing a similar outfit to that of Sasuke, making it clear that Naruto's intruder had mistaken Naruto for this other Naruto. Uzumaki closed his eyes for a moment. This situation was really making his brain melt.

"Shikamaru!" exclaimed v2.0. "Kami-sama, where the hell have you been?! You were presumed dead since your disappearance two years ago!"

"Funny," said Naruto curiously, a little vague from his blood loss. "That's about how long I've known you Nara."

Identical blue eyes stared at each other.

"I only made one clone," one muttered, puzzled. "And you're not a genjutsu."

"I'm not a fucking clone!" the other scowled back. "I was here first! Take this psychotic maniac back with you to wherever the fuck you came from!"

He jerked his head at Sasuke, wincing as his wound began to throb.

"This is freaking messed up," Naruto said, mostly to himself. "I must be dreaming. No nightmaring. Yeah. Makes sense. Why can't I dream of nice things like naked babes and mountains of money? I wonder what time it really is. I have a pop quiz for History so I better wake up on time. What the hell am I talking about? I'm in college now…I don't even do History. I don't feel so good."

Shikamaru made to move beside his friend, but the other Naruto was faster.

"I think he's going in to shock. I'll try using that calming jutsu Sakura-chan taught me."

Naruto, however, didn't want his lookalike anywhere near him. He danced out of v2.0's clutches, eyes wide.

"No, no, no! Don't you be touching me! If you touch me and you're real, then I'll feel it, and I'd rather not since I would prefer this to be a dream!"

Shikamaru tried placating his freaked friend, a little exasperated. "It's okay, Naruto. He won't hurt you, he just wants to help."

Naruto might have listened to his friend, but what happened next happened really fast. He felt a slight tug and then Uzumaki was standing in a forest next to more people wearing the weird green-vest-skintight-blue outfit, his head spinning with disorientation. He was dismayed to spot another mirror image of himself, strange whisker marks and puffy vest outfit included.

"What the fuck?!" he yelled, gripping his injured arm.

The first person to move was a girl about his age with insanely pink hair, but other than that she was cute. Still, Naruto thought as she approached him, she was wearing the weird outfit and that equalled bad. What was worse, he decided, was the green glow around her hands as she made to touch his injury.

"What the hell do ya think you're doing?!" Uzumaki twisted away from the girl, eyes wide in alarm. "What the hell is wrong with your hands?! They're freakin' _glowing_!"

She stopped and stared at him with a frown before turning to Naruto v2.0. "Didn't you go after Sasuke yourself and leave a clone here?"

The mirror image nodded, his own brows drawn together as he stared at Naruto. "I'll dispel myself, though I seem to be acting strange."

Naruto watched, eyes impossibly wide, as his lookalike disappeared completely. He opened and closed his mouth a bit.

"W-where the hell did he go?" he managed eventually.

His comment seemed to bother the pink-haired girl, who turned to give some sort of meaningful glance to the two other people in the clearing. Naruto looked at them as well, deciding that he perhaps would rather deal with the girl than these two characters. Squinting a little, Uzumaki was one hundred percent positive that the man with the spiky silver hair (he and Sasuke must use the same gel) was rather engrossed in R rated book porn. The other person was staring at him intently, but Naruto's eyes were drawn to this boy's outfit. He was sure that not even the girl's at college would show that much stomach. Gay, supplied Uzumaki's brain, absolutely flaming. He decided that the vest and skintight getup wasn't too bad after seeing this boy's outfit. He also wondered if this guy and the crazy bastard Sasuke were related, considering their shared paleness and dark hair. Actually, compared to this boy, Sasuke had a rather nice tan.

"Hm," said a gruff voice at Naruto's ankles. "Definitely not a clone."

Uzumaki's eyes dropped to his feet to see a small pug dog sniffing him.

"It's not our Naruto but it's definitely _a_ Naruto," continued the pug. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it seems like he isn't from our timeline."

"A…talking…dog..?" Naruto mumbled.

The porn-reading man snapped his book porn shut, clearly deciding to join the conversation. "A parallel world?"

"Possibly. I'd say that's where Sasuke and our Naruto are presently."

"A talking dog?" Naruto repeated, staring.

And then he fainted.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. Next thing Naruto knew, his nose was practically nestled between the most enormous breasts he had ever seen. All the transporting business was rather awesome, but would be much more awesome, Naruto thought, if he had some control over it. He scooted backwards, he valued his life thankyouverymuch, and looked up to meet the gaze of the owner of the huge bosom.

**_LiK: Chapter Two  
_ **

Naruto opened his eyes slowly, waiting for the blurry edges of the world around him to sharpen so he could decide whether to panic or not.

"Maybe it was all just a bad dream," he told himself firmly.

This seemed viable since there was no pain where he had imagined he'd been stabbed by the insane bastard, though it didn't explain why he wasn't waking up in his dorm. He looked around the room he was in warily, relieved beyond words that he was still in the clothes he had worn to bed. It wasn't bare enough to be a hospital room, but didn't feel homey enough to be someone else's room. A spare room maybe, Uzumaki thought as he climbed out of bed, making a beeline for the open window. It was sunny and warm, mid morning Naruto supposed. Though a lot of things were wrong with the view from the window. First and foremost, it definitely wasn't any town Naruto had visited.

"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto."

Second, the clothing and people were unfamiliar somehow. He could see a fair few people wearing that green vest and blue outfit. Maybe it was a uniform, Uzumaki wondered. For what, he had no idea. And the clothing everyone else wore was different to what he was used to; Naruto couldn't see any of the latest fashions that were currently sweeping through his college. The garments he could discern from the window were colourful and varying, but nothing he had ever seen before.

"What the…" Naruto's gaze was pulled to an unbelievable sight.

Three blurs of green and blue were leaping across the roofs of the buildings, moving too fast for him to focus on what the blurs actually were. Then they paused suddenly and Naruto's jaw dropped open. The three women in the green and blue uniform seemed to have a quick conversation before continuing at a speed Uzumaki couldn't believe, even after witnessing it, jumping across gaps at least twenty feet wide between houses. That, he told his brain, was impossible. Superman-movie-impossible. Scary-impossible. Don't-want-to-be-here-impossible.

Naruto started moving, judging the distance to the ground from the window would likely kill him so he scrapped that escape plan.

"We've gotta get out of this place," he sang under his breath as he crept across the room, "If it's the last thing we ever do."

He pushed the door open enough to peek out before letting it swing open, deciding the coast was clear. He sprinted toward what he hoped was the front door, halting involuntarily when a photo on a shelf caught his eye.  
  
He stared at the four people caught by the camera, recognising every single person in it. The man with the silver hair was smiling, though it was hard to tell since Naruto could only see one of his eyes, and it was closed. But it _seemed_ like he was smiling. The photo must have been taken quite a few years ago as the three kids standing in front of the man looked about twelve. The girl with the pink hair was smiling happily, her hands near her face in an almost shy pose. Naruto thought she must have grown a fair bit, as the girl he met in the forest definitely didn't seem meek. And it seemed that the pink was natural as her eyebrows and lashes matched perfectly.  
  
On each side of her was a boy, the man behind them resting a hand on their heads. It looked affectionate, but Naruto wondered if he was holding the boys in place, judging by their expressions. The dark haired boy was clearly a young Sasuke, glaring at the camera and looking generally unimpressed by everything. The other boy was Naruto, or his lookalike with the whiskers anyway. He was standing with his arms crossed defiantly and looked to be scowling at Sasuke.  
  
Uzumaki stared at the photo for a little while longer before picking it up and turning the frame over. Opening up the frame, he read some scrawl on the back of the photo. It simply said 'Team Seven'. He put the photo back catching sight of another picture on the shelf. This photo looked much more recent. It was Naruto's lookalike again, kissing the smiling and blushing pink-haired girl on the cheek. He looked down at their entwined hands to see matching rings. Married… _shit_ , Naruto thought, he wasn't twenty for another few months but in another world he was already married. Or someone who looked like him anyway.

He stumbled backward, turned and sprinted for the door.

"We've gotta get out of this place," Uzumaki whispered, much more urgently.

He flung open the door and ran straight in to a green puffy vest, off of which he bounced rather painfully.

"Good morning Naruto! Can you smell the Springtime of Youth today? We will work hard to ensure that the Youth of tomorrow benefit from our always evolving techniques of today! You said there were some taijutsu skills you wanted to perfect with me so I am here to assist you on this glorious morning! Where would you like to train?"

Naruto leaned as far back as he could without falling over, scared for his life. All he could see was green and perfect straight white teeth that were audibly sparkling. The longer he stared though, the more that came in to focus around the green, and then Uzumaki was staring at a bowlcut over huge eyes framed by equally huge eyebrows. There was, apparently, an outfit much worse than the flamingly gay, stomach-flaunting getup. Oh yes. _Much worse_.

A green skintight leotard.

On a man.

Naruto closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them a crack. The boy was still there, grinning at him brightly and giving him the thumbs up.

"Is that what you are training in?" the boy asked, taking in his clothing.

Naruto glanced down at his black singlet and grey sweat pants – the clothes he had slept in. "Er, yeah…I guess."

"YOSH! Let us go and train!"

And then Naruto was flying down the road at an ungodly speed, being piggybacked by his new friend. Now, Naruto had never been piggybacked by another grown man before (or woman to be fair), and found the position rather awkward when he was actually larger than the person carrying him. But Green Leotard Man was flying down the street like Uzumaki weighed no more than a backpack, so he settled for holding on for the sake of his life and not screaming like a prepubescent girl at the sheer speed of their movement. Within moments the pair had stopped in a huge clearing, several people dotted around who, Naruto assumed, were training.

Training, Uzumaki realised as he climbed off of Leotard Man, was apparently short for Doing Impossibly Amazing And Awfully Dangerous Feats. The ground shook slightly as a pair of boys younger than Naruto 'trained' nearby. One boy was somehow making enough water to fill a swimming pool move through the air toward his opponent, who was making the ground rise up like a wall to block the attack. Naruto stared as they fought each other with the earth and water around them, using nothing but weird signals with their hands to perform such acts that he would've thought impossible.  
  
The two boys congratulated each other on their chakra control, what ever the hell that was, and Uzumaki's gaze was torn to a boy running toward him with a huge grin and yelling his name. The kid looked about fifteen or so, and was the most normal person he had seen so far. He was even dressed fairly casual, save for the peep toe sandals everyone seemed to wear.

"Naruto!" the boy shouted, even as he drew up in front of Naruto. "I wanna show you what Ebisu-sensei taught our team this week! It's so awesome!"

"Hi Lee," the kid added to Green Leotard Man. "Gai-sensei was looking for you and Neji for a mission or something. I saw him outside the Academy."

Lee saluted. "Thank you for that information, Konohamaru! I am extremely sorry, Naruto, but we will have to train another time. Enjoy the rest of this glorious day my friends!"

Naruto wasn't all that sad about seeing Lee go, and so quickly turned his attention to his new company, Konohamaru. Uzumaki clearly wasn't expected to make small talk as the boy was moving his hands through a number of complicated looking signals before inhaling and-

"Holy shit!" Naruto yelled, jumping backward to avoid the ball of flame that burst from Konohamaru's mouth.

The boy wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, giggling at the older teen's reaction. "Cool, huh! Thought you'd be surprised! See I always thought that the Uchiha clan were the only ninja who could do fire breathing jutsu, but Ebisu-sensei told us that other shinobi can still learn limited fire techniques, and he's been teaching-"

"Konohamaru," Naruto interrupted, eyes wide. "That was… _amazing_!"

The boy flushed at his praise, grinning from ear to ear. "Yeah?"

"Hell yeah!" Uzumaki encouraged, leaning forward. "What else can you do?"

Konohamaru looked beyond pleased with Naruto's interest. "You wanna see what else I've been learning?"

"Of course!" Naruto waved his arms around, now getting a tad excited about all the awesome things that surrounded him in this place. "Everything!"

And at about this moment, Naruto forgot he was trying to escape, and not a second later he remembered…because striding across the training area toward him was Naruto v2.0. Whisker marks and puffy green vest included at no extra cost.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," the other Naruto growled. "I step out for five minutes and you've disappeared!"

Uzumaki took a step back; his lookalike was twitchy with anger and possibly relief.

Konohamaru looked between them. "You _lost_ your clone?"

"I'm not a goddamn clone!"

The younger boy stared at him, before turning his gaze to v2.0. "Your clone has gone _rogue_?! I didn't even know that could happen!"

"Talk to you later, bro," said lookalike Naruto, before grabbing Uzumaki's arm and making a weird sign with one hand.

Next thing Naruto knew, his nose was practically nestled between the most enormous breasts he had ever seen.

All the transporting business was rather awesome, but would be much more awesome, Naruto thought, if he had some control over it. He scooted backwards, he valued his life thankyouverymuch, and looked up to meet the gaze of the owner of the huge bosom.

"Uh," Uzumaki managed in the face of the scariest woman he had ever met. "That wasn't my fault. It was his…uh…you know…the other Naruto's fault."

"Calm down, Uzumaki. She isn't going to hurt you."

Naruto spun toward the voice, relief flooding through him at having something familiar in all of the strangeness. "Shikamaru! What the hell's going on?"

Shikamaru only shook his head slightly, and faced the scary woman in an almost upright and dignified manner. It took a few moments for Naruto to realise his friend was standing at attention, like this woman with the humongous breasts was an important person or something. And then he noticed that Shikamaru had changed clothes somewhere between Sasuke invading his dorm and passing out, and was now wearing the puffy vest over an outfit Naruto was sure he'd seen him wear before.  
  
Uzumaki jumped and swore a little when the leader woman slammed her fist to capture everyone's attention, eyeing the deep dent she had put in her _steel_ desk with an excusable amount of trepidation. He was becoming even more aware that the people in this place were potentially dangerous, and he glanced at Shikamaru wondering about the sort of impossible feats his friend could do.

"Reporting to duty after an unexpected absence, Hokage-sama," Shikamaru said, a slight smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Indeed," the woman cocked her head to the side, ruining her professional front by leaking a wide grin for a moment. "I'm sure your parents were pleased to learn of your return."

"Hah, troublesome," the teen rolled his eyes to the ceiling, but there was no mistaking the smile he wore. "Not home for even ten minutes and Mum was trying to introduce me to 'the lovely girl next door who's at perfect marrying age'."

"Report."

Naruto watched as Shikamaru gave a casual salute before relaxing his stance once more, a little bothered that his friend obviously belonged here.

"About two years ago I was on the way home from a solo C-rank and accidentally stumbled across what must have been an invisible door, so to speak, between our world and Naruto's. I tried to get back but, what with the whole being invisible issue, I couldn't find the door again. Also I'm assuming that these doors close and open in places randomly because I've been in Naruto's dorm room plenty of times and there was never a door there before today."

Hokage-sama frowned (was that her name, Naruto wondered, it seemed strange). "So your trip to this other world was pure luck, as was Sasuke and Naruto's this morning?"

"Hmm," Shikamaru darted a quick look at Naruto, who was getting a little confused since no one was bothering to differentiate between him and his lookalike. "A plausible theory could be that these doors occur around this other world's Naruto to link to our Naruto somehow but yes, it seems to be luck that they are used at all."

The scary woman mulled over this thoughtfully before turning to Sasuke, who Naruto was shocked to discover was even present. He did a quick sweep of the room, noticing that the pink-haired woman, the porn-reading man and the stomach-flaunting guy were standing at the back inconspicuously, as well as another man Uzumaki had never seen before. The unknown was rather intimidating; the tall built man seemed to be observing Naruto's every move, his piercing gaze all the more disconcerting with the numerous scars that littered his face. Naruto spun to face forward again, a prickle of unease crawling up his spine to let him know that the man was still watching him.

"…to the village after training with Team Kakashi," Sasuke was saying, "when I was suddenly in an unfamiliar room-"

" _My_ room," Naruto felt the need to add.

Sasuke barely paused at the interruption. "Naruto, or who I thought was Naruto, was asleep so I woke him up-"

"Which I did _not_ appreciate and reacted accordingly."

This time Sasuke's eye twitched. "It was quickly established that I didn't seem to be in our world anymore let alone Konoha and then Naruto appeared. I assume he followed me through the invisible gateway."

Naruto glared at the dark-haired teen. "I don't much like how you glossed over the part where you _tried to kill me_."

Uzumaki couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as the room seemed to be immediately suffocating with tension, everyone staring at Sasuke who was doing a good job of pretending not to notice.

"Sasuke," said the woman, and Naruto was sure that if she had used that voice on him he would have cried.

But Sasuke only moved slightly with a sort of full body twitch before answering. "I was somewhat confused by the unfamiliarity of the place and did the first thing that occurred to me to check Naruto was Naruto."

"By…throwing kunai at him?" the pink-haired girl commented from the back of the room, her voice rising with disbelief.

"In that sort of situation, it seems that the normal and logical choice of action would be to ask the person a question that only they would know the answer to," the stomach-flaunting guy said, a huge smile plastered on his face which Naruto had the feeling was one hundred percent fake. "Logically."

The pink-haired girl mumbled something which, to Naruto, sounded suspiciously like "When has Sasuke ever done the normal, logical thing?" and, judging from Sasuke's stiff posture, the kooky Uchiha guy heard it too. He felt a bit bad for the guy then, and thought he better set the record straight.

"Well only one knife koon-eye thing got me," Naruto said fairly, inspecting the place where he remembered being stabbed. "Er, well, I thought it hit me…there's no mark so…anyway, the crazy bastard was spouting shit about shinbo or something and how kibby would heal me and other shit that didn't make any sense."

" _Shinobi_ ," Sasuke corrected at the same time the up until now silent Naruto v2.0 said, " _Kyuubi_."

The pair glanced at each across Naruto, and it felt like the suffocating tension faded to be replaced by awkward silence.

"…Yeah, well, anyway…I thought I should clear that up…I guess I was being a little melodramatic," Naruto finished, offering a weak nervous chuckle as the atmosphere of the room didn't improve.

"Uh, so, anyway," he shuffled his feet and darted a quick glance at the rather inviting exit. "…If I could be leaving and getting the hell out of here..?"

Shikamaru sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I'm afraid that isn't possible."

"…What..?"

Surprisingly, it was the kooky Uchiha who explained. "The gateway between our worlds seemed to close and disappear moments after we all got back through. If Shikamaru's theory about the gateways is sound in that they only form around you to connect to the Naruto of Konoha, I don't see any way for you to get back since, well, both of you are here now."

Naruto stared at his crazy intruder for a second before shifting his bewildered glare to Shikamaru. "Why the hell are we placing so much weight on your theory? Actually, don't answer that…considering you sleep through all our lectures and pass the course top of the class without even trying…bastard. But what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm in some strange place where people move too fast to see and move water and earth with the flick of a wrist and could kill me because I look like a dude who can do all that shit and this is so fucked up despite how cool some of it is!"

Hokage-sama gestured the scary unknown man at the back of the room to step forward. "Ibiki."

Naruto panicked a little as Ibiki slapped a hand down on his shoulder and steered him out of the room. "H-hey!"

Shikamaru said something, Naruto didn't catch it but he sounded concerned, which did little to stem his panic. A moment later and Hokage-sama's voice followed them out.

"Morino, he's not a ninja so interrogate him accordingly."

 _Interrogate..?!_ Uzumaki put together what he understood that to mean in regard to the numerous police dramas he had seen on TV with what he knew of this world, as well as adding the scarred guy to the mix.

He didn't like the image.

In fact, it scared the absolute shit out of him. So as soon as the hand on his shoulder relaxed its grip even minutely, Naruto bolted.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. The woman with the gigantic bosom scowled at Naruto, before waving some paperwork at the silver-haired man. "Naruto is being released to Team Kakashi's custody. At all times he will be accompanied by at least one of you until we can get this sorted out or reach a more permanent and satisfactory arrangement." Naruto spluttered. "Custody?! Like, I'm under arrest until further notice?!" "It's for your own protection," the woman motioned shooing them out of her office. "Now get out." Seconds later and standing in the corridor, Naruto was hardly welcomed to the team with open arms.

**_LiK: Chapter Three  
_ **

Naruto plastered himself to the wall, keeping his breathing as quiet as possible.

It was, he discovered, rather hard to escape a building he had never been in before…and it wasn't like he had arrived through the front door in the first place. It had worked in his favour that he looked practically identical to the other Naruto, who was apparently rather well-liked and respected, but that didn't do much to hide his totally freaked expression and lack of proper reaction to people who clearly thought they knew him. Uzumaki had soon ducked down a hallway that looked pretty much the same as the dozen or so he'd ran along earlier, hiding in a room full of shelves crammed with dusty scrolls. The room didn't look like it had been used for quite a while, but that hardly guaranteed his hiding spot hidden.

Of course, now that Naruto had paused in his escape, he was kind of wondering about the point of said escape. Shikamaru was a genius so if he said there wasn't any way to get back home, Uzumaki was inclined to believe him. Which left him to deal with surviving in a really awesome but fucking scary place like here…wherever _here_ was.  
  
Naruto suddenly stopped to think about any downsides there could be to being stuck in this place, because there weren't any real disadvantages to not being in Japan; he didn't have any family, and the only friend he'd call a friend was Shikamaru. And again, all he could come up with were the points he had yelled in Hokage-sama's room that mainly concerned his longevity and well-being.

Uzumaki was fast warming to the idea of staying, ignoring the recent threat of interrogation, and thought about how brilliant it would be if they could teach him how to do the amazing things they did here.

And then he jumped when the door to his hiding spot flew open and Sasuke sighed, a hand on his hip and looking down the hall.

"How the hell did you get away from Ibiki?"

"Um," said Naruto, "I legged it."

The other teen looked at him. "You know you're stuck here."

"Yeah, I figured…er, where _is_ here anyway?"

"Konoha. Hidden village. Fire Country."

Naruto stared at Sasuke. "Your country is called _Fire_..?"

The crazy Uchiha raised a brow. "I suspect that will be the least of your culture shock issues."

"You can say that again," he sighed, before returning the other teen's gaze thoughtfully. "And it sort of seems to me that you may have been better off staying in my world, what with all the _love_ everyone here reserves for you."

"That's not really something you ought to say to someone," Sasuke returned, one side of his mouth pulled down in a frown. "Rude. Could get you hurt here too."

"Hurt?" Naruto echoed, a little incredulous. "Is that a threat? You're obviously not deaf, dumb and blind so it's kind of hard for me to swallow the notion that you don't notice how people seem to treat you like you might break out screaming and killing and cutting or something. You tried to kill the Naruto here a couple of times is what Shikamaru said, and you hardly denied it. Why the hell aren't you in prison or rehab or something?"

The kooky Uchiha was silent for a long while, expressionless as he stared at nothing in particular.

"Well," he said eventually, voice pitched low, "it's not any of your business, and people are entitled to whatever opinion of me they want to keep. I tried to fix things but it's hard when people seem to really want to cling on to the opinion they hold about me. I don't give any excuses and there's no use explaining to you anyway. I don't even know why I'm wasting my breath."

Sasuke quickly spun on his heel and disappeared from the doorway with a scowl. Naruto chased after him immediately, catching up and walking beside the other teen, ignoring the not so subtle glare that was shot his way.

"I bet," said Naruto, "that you haven't even built up the balls to say sorry."

Sasuke stopped so fast his bangs blew forward before settling. "…Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Uzumaki kind of wondered about five minutes ago whether it was a smart idea to goad someone like the homicidal bastard in a place like Konoha, but decided to hell with it. "You tried to kill some guy a few times and somehow you've been let off. Don't you think the least you could do is pluck up the balls to fucking apologise?"

Sasuke spoke through gritted teeth and curled fists. "Where the fuck do you get off lecturing me about something you know nothing about?!"

Naruto scoffed. "Don't try to pull that card. Nothing's worth killing someone over."

"…He raped my sister."

Uzumaki's expression changed immediately and he leaned forward, eyes blazing. "Where is he?! Let's smoke the fucker!"

Sasuke only leaned back and rolled his eyes, but seemed to relax somewhat. "I don't have a sister, you hypocritical retard."

"…You bastard."

"…I had an older brother though," Sasuke continued quietly, walking down the hall once more.

Naruto kept up because he sure as hell knew that this sounded like _the_ story. And he certainly didn't miss the way Sasuke said 'had'.

"He killed my entire clan, only sparing me."

"What the fuck, man?! Even your parents..?" Naruto shook his head, eyes wide when Sasuke repeated his fucked up statement.

"Since I was seven, I swore I would avenge my family by tracking him down and taking his life," the teen frowned like he wasn't sure why he talking, but shrugged slightly and continued. "When I killed him, I found out that he was supposed to have killed me too…but couldn't. His murder of my clan wasn't without reason either…the Uchiha were planning on overthrowing Konoha. In reality, my brother averted a war."

"That's really…" Naruto floundered for the right words, "…fucked up."

"Hmn," Sasuke murmured noncommittally.

Uzumaki squinted as he thought, glancing at the other teen out of the corner of his eye. "So where does the Naruto here come in to all this..?"

Sasuke shoved his hands in to his pockets as they walked. "…He used to be my best friend."

When no more was said, Naruto poked the kooky Uchiha in the arm. "Yeah, okay…and..?"

"Shut the hell up," Naruto was amazed that the tone didn't match the words. "I've told you more than enough as it is."

Uzumaki chuckled. Fair enough, he thought, but stopped dead when they rounded a corner. Right across the hall was Hokage-sama's office. Naruto looked at Sasuke.

"Are you telling me that I spent fifteen minutes running around this frickin' building only to come full circle and hide just down the hall?"

Sasuke smirked. "You can't possibly think we didn't know where you were. Even though you aren't a ninja, we can still sense your chakra. And you're the only unfamiliar chakra in this building."

Naruto huffed. "What the hell is chakra anyway?"

Sasuke stared at him before shaking his head and continuing to walk back to the Hokage's office. "No. No way. I am _not_ giving you a lesson on academy level nin knowledge. Ask someone else."

"...Academy..?" Naruto wondered aloud, before racing to catch up, enthusiasm rising. "You mean like a school?! I could learn to move water and ground and run Superman fast and shoot fire from my mouth?!"

Sasuke's gaze was quickly pinning him. "Who did you see perform a fire jutsu?"

"Oh, uh, whatzizname, Konohamaru," Naruto brightened even further as he remembered something. "Hey! He said what he did was only a limited fire jizzy-"

" _Jutsu_. God, _please_ don't go around saying jizzy."

"-and that your clan could do way more awesome jizzy-"

" _Jutsu_. Fuck. _Jutsu_ , you retard."

It was a moment before Sasuke realised he was being stared at with pleading eyes.

"Fuck off. I am _not_ teaching you any clan techniques."

Naruto grinned hugely. "No, no, that's cool. I just wanna _see_."

"I'm not wasting my time and chakra on that."

Naruto deflated and scowled, mumbling. "Geez, it's no wonder people just _love_ you."

Sasuke glared hard before roughly shoving Naruto through the Hokage's open door. "Here he is."

The woman with the gigantic bosom scowled at Naruto, before waving some paperwork at the silver-haired man. "Naruto is being released to Team Kakashi's custody. At all times he will be accompanied by at least one of you until we can get this sorted out or reach a more permanent and satisfactory arrangement."

Naruto spluttered. "Custody?! Like, I'm under arrest until further notice?!"

"It's for your own protection," the woman motioned shooing them out of her office. "Now get out."

Seconds later and standing in the corridor, Naruto was hardly welcomed to the team with open arms. Sasuke was ignoring him, but that didn't seem to be particularly personal since he seemed to be ignoring the rest of this Team Kakashi.

The stomach-flaunting guy didn't appear overly affected by the sudden development, but he introduced himself as Sai and asked if Naruto's dick was as small as the other Naruto's. Neither of the Narutos were impressed, but Sai didn't seem bothered as he produced a sketch book from somewhere and began drawing.

The pink-haired girl stared at him and looked away, then stared at him again. Naruto wondered if it would be classed as cheating if someone slept with their partner of a different timeline...he also wondered if the girl had considered this too. Still, her hair was way too pink to even seriously think about it. But she shook his hand quickly as she told him her name, "Sakura Haruno", before standing close to this world's Naruto.

Naruto v2.0 himself grinned, but it faded fast and he appeared to be watching Naruto closely. Probably the way he was watching _him_ actually; trying to figure out exactly how freakishly alike they were and how weird this might get.

The older man with silver hair was staring at him, and had been for quite some time now. At Naruto's raised brow he shook his head.

"Haha, no, it's just you look so much like Min-" the man quickly shook his head again as he cut himself off. "Naruto. You look so much alike, it's uncanny. I'm Hatake Kakashi, your new sensei!"

"This team's named after you?"

Kakashi grinned...as much as Uzumaki could tell. "Cool right?"

"Right," Naruto glanced at the other Naruto before crossing his arms and kicking at the ground, uncomfortable. "So...what's gonna happen to me?"

Kakashi pulled out his book porn once more and made his way along the hall, the rest of the team falling in to step behind him out of habit and Uzumaki following suit. "Well, I'm assuming you have no money?"

Naruto scoffed. "Man, all I've got are the clothes I'm wearing and hey look, no shoes. Fucked up events don't usually give you time to pack a suitcase and change your bank details."

"We'll help you out some," Kakashi continued. "But you need employment."

Naruto brightened. "Sure, so I'll do whatever you guys do. Um...what is it _exactly_ that you guys do?"

Sasuke glanced at him and smirked. "There's no way _you_ can do what _we_ do."

Before Naruto could object, Kakashi was agreeing.

"I'm afraid our line of work requires certain abilities and skills that you don't possess. Though I'm sure Iruka-sensei could help you find a job. But we'll talk about that later. Right now we should consider where you will live while you’re in Konoha."

"Can I room with Shikamaru?" Naruto asked immediately, thinking of his only real friend in all of this newness.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Sakura laughed, though not unkindly. "Shikamaru is likely living with his parents again considering he's in the same sort of situation as you. And anyway, Hokage-sama says one of us should be with you at all times."

Ugh, thought Naruto, _awkward_. He didn't know any of these people and he'd have to live with one of them. Putting off his living arrangements a moment longer, he asked what was likely to be the first of a great many questions.

"So this Hokage lady with the huge- uh- office is like the president of Konoha or something?"

This world's Naruto looked at him quizzically. "President?"

"Mm, like your chief, leader, big boss, you know?"

Sakura nodded enthusiastically, smiling at her husband? Fiancé? "Tsunade-sama is the leader of Konoha. Naruto here is next in line for the position."

His lookalike grinned under the acknowledgement, flushing slightly. "I've been training for years. It's a huge honour."

Naruto remembered the gigantic stack of paperwork on the Hokage's desk. It had the look of the sort of pile that never ended. But hey, who was he to say the job looked incredibly boring compared to all the rest of the cool stuff he had witnessed so far. Maybe the Hokage got a company car or something. And then he considered the fact that Naruto was his age and he was only nineteen...this place wouldn't be so irresponsible as to put a _teenager_ in such an important leadership position, would they?

"So what exactly is it that you all do?" Naruto asked once more, curious.

"As a team, we carry out missions for the Hokage and the village," Kakashi glanced up briefly from his book. "We each have unique abilities and together we are Team Kakashi."

Naruto stifled a giggle and the Captain Planet theme song. "So this team is named after...you, yes? What happened to Team Seven?"

This was apparently the wrong thing to say as a blanket of tension suddenly stifled the group. Open mouth, insert foot, Naruto mused as he pretended to ignore the atmosphere.

"Ah, well," Sakura began, building confidence as she continued. "How did you know about Team Seven?"

"I saw a picture of you guys, looked to be a few years old," Naruto answered carefully. "Though Sai wasn't in it."

"I was never a part of Team Seven," Sai explained distractedly, still sketching as the group followed Kakashi out of the building in to the midday sunlight.

Clearly changing the subject, Sakura turned to Kakashi. "I'm assuming we won't be completing missions for a while."

"Mmm," the man replied, snapping his book closed and stowing it away in a pouch at his hip. "Well I leave Naruto in your capable hands."

And he disappeared.

"You know," said Naruto to the air which had replaced Kakashi. "That is so awesome but really quite rude."

"Naruto," Sai murmured as he continued to sketch and walk and how did he even _do_ that, Uzumaki wondered. "You can stay at my place."

"Sure. Thanks," Naruto was going to say, but didn't get the chance.

"Actually, I was thinking he could stay at the Uchiha Compound."

Everyone stared at Sasuke, who shifted slightly under the sudden scrutiny. Uzumaki got the feeling this invitation was unexpected to everyone, including Sasuke. Not to mention since he'd known the crazy Uchiha, he'd been stabbed when left alone with him. Judging by Sasuke's personality, Naruto could see there was a real possibility of that happening again.

"Well there's more room there," Sasuke said to the silence. "And the compound is more central to the village than Sai's."

Naruto wasn't even sure why that would matter.

"I was talking to the other Naruto actually," Sai smiled. "Sakura probably wants some alone time with this new Naruto to do a comparison of their ability in the-"

Sai teleported about a millisecond before Sakura's fist squashed his fake smile, and Uzumaki was kind of sad about that because he was curious to see how hard the girl could hit. Not curious enough to test it himself though.

In any case, he turned to Sasuke while the other Naruto alternated between cussing out Sai and placating a rather scary Sakura. "Is it really okay if I stay at your house or compound or whatever?"

Sasuke nodded.

Naruto glanced at the remaining two members of Team KaCrazy before shrugging. "Lead the way."

"Hey," he said after a moment as they walked. "Is Sai's fascination with Naruto's dick some sort of homo thing?"

"...Who knows when it comes to Sai."

"Huh. And what would've happened if Sakura actually _did_ hit him?"

"His brain would have exploded out of his nose and ears."

"Really?!"

Sasuke stared at him. "...No, fuck. You're such a retard."

Naruto sighed. "You're such a bastard and your sense of humour sucks majorly. I'd hit you again but now I'm pretty sure I only got you last time due to the element of surprise."

Sasuke 'hmmed' and Naruto was becoming a little concerned that his safety was entirely in this crazy guy's hands. And wasn't it an awful oversight that he was in the care of someone who was _known_ to have homicidal tendencies..?

Naruto wondered if he would survive the afternoon.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. "Look, I'm not Naruto ok?" he said, subdued and annoyed. "Well, I am, but I'm not the guy you want me to be so -so don't think I can be. I don't like instant ramen. I don't like pink hair. I don't have weird-ass whisker things on my face." He looked up to glare at Sasuke. "I look like him and I'm sure he's real swell but I'm not that guy, so let's get that straight right now."

**_LiK: Chapter Four_   
**

Naruto could only think of two words to describe the Uchiha compound: Fucking Creepy.

It seemed to be a chunk of the village reserved solely to make passersby feel the need to whisper and speed up until they were well clear of the area. Naruto didn't really know the details of what happened there - it made sense that the compound was the location of the mass murder of Sasuke's family - but the condition of the houses told more than he wanted to know. There were windows boarded closed and roofs sagging with neglect and far too many old rusty bloodstains.

Jeezus, Naruto thought with mounting unease, there were at least twenty or so houses...how many people- He jerked away from _that_ thought immediately. Instead he wondered why someone had bothered to board the windows...no sane person would wander in to the district willingly.

Naruto paused at that to question his own mental state, and walked as close to Sasuke as he dared without giving away that he was _maybealittle_ freaked. And god, the crazy bastard _lived_ here...and wow, perhaps _that_ explained a lot, Naruto decided.

"Sasuke," he whispered, darting a glance around when his hushed voice still sounded too loud. "Have you thought about, you know, living _somewhere else_?"

"No. Why?"

"Oh, just a thought."

Naruto knew which house Sasuke lived in without needing it pointed out...it was the only liveable looking building and had a relieving lack of bloodstains...likely scrubbed away, Naruto thought, because it sure as hell made sense that Sasuke's family were killed in their home. ...Another tick against why Sasuke was homicidally insane, Uzumaki figured.

As Naruto followed Sasuke toward the house he realised that despite the whole being stabbed by him thing, and that Sasuke had tried to kill this world's Naruto – and had, in fact, killed his own brother – Naruto felt more comfortable with the bastard than anyone else on the Team.

It would've been plain weird to hang out with Kakashi when the man was like the team leader or teacher, and based on Sai's inappropriate sex-related quips, Naruto didn't feel entirely at ease with the artist. As well spending time alone with Sakura could raise all sorts of problems, but hanging out with someone who looked exactly the same with similar mannerisms was really wacked. Seeing his look alike kind of ruined the whole "I am unique" feeling of individualism.

Not that it wasn't interesting, but at the moment Uzumaki needed a break from shit turning his world upside down.

And taking a tour of Sasuke's house was a good distraction from all that had happened. Though Sasuke's tour had consisted of opening a few doors and saying "Bathroom. _Don't_ touch my things", "My room. _Don't_ come in here for _any_ reason", "Kitchen. Make sure you clean up after yourself", "Living room. _Don't_ wear shoes in here", "You can use this room".

It went without saying that Uchiha was a terrible tour guide, but he made for a surprisingly good host. He gave Naruto a clean towel and a set of clothes to wear in the mean time, as well as a fresh toothbrush, then wrinkled his nose.

"I don't know when you last bathed, but it wasn't recently. Go and shower."

Well, Naruto amended as he closed the bathroom door and kicked off his sweat pants, Sasuke was an _okay_ host. And to spite him, Uzumaki used Sasuke's body wash instead of the soap. But all animosity was fast forgotten when Naruto followed his nose to the kitchen, suddenly very much aware that he hadn't eaten since the day before.

"God, _yum_! That smells awesome!"

"On the stove," Sasuke was sitting at a traditional low table on his knees, eating what ever the hell smelled so delicious and reading a book with tiny writing.

Naruto instantly made a beeline for the stovetop, looking down with barely suppressed delight at-

"...Instant...ramen...?"

Naruto glanced at what Uchiha was eating to confirm that yes, instant ramen _wasn't_ the delicious smell. Well, Naruto amended as he took the bowl waiting on the bench and served himself _instant ramen_ , Sasuke was a _shit_ host.

He set his bowl down at the table with a louder than necessary thunk, pleased when Sasuke's eye twitched slightly.

"I don't mean to be rude," Naruto began somewhat pleasantly, "but why the fuck do I get cup noodles while you get -what the hell _are_ you eating?"

"Traditional pork stirfry."

Naruto was aghast and a little offended. "You gave me cardboard and beef flavoured water and you get -you get fucking _pork stirfry_? What, you don't want me eating your food? Ok, I suppose I get that since I can't exactly pay you back or anything at the moment, but shit I can clean up or someth-"

"You...don't like instant ramen?"

Naruto seemed to have captured Sasuke's full attention, but Naruto was more concerned about the confused frown the kooky bastard was sporting.

"What?" Naruto exclaimed as he threw his hands at his unappetising three-minute meal. "Do _you_ like instant ramen? If you fucking like it so much then I'll swap you!"

Sasuke moved his hands somewhat protectively around his bowl but continued to stare. "I don't like instant ramen."

Naruto gripped his head in his hands a little desperately. "Oh my god then why do you have the stuff in your cupboard?"

"Because Naruto-"

Sasuke cut himself off and it all made sense to Uzumaki. Sasuke wanted him around because he thought he was Naruto. Well, he was of course, but not...Naruto sighed and flopped down to sit at the table.

"Look, I'm not Naruto ok?" he said, subdued and annoyed. "Well, I am, but I'm not the guy you want me to be so -so don't think I can be. I don't like instant ramen. I don't like pink hair. I don't have weird-ass whisker things on my face."

He looked up to glare at Sasuke. "I look like him and I'm sure he's real swell but I'm not that guy, so let's fucking get that straight right now."

He picked up a pair of chopsticks and stabbed them in to his food ferociously, then pushed the bowl away with a huff after remembering it was beef flavoured cardboard strips. Naruto eyed the pork stirfry again but looked up when Sasuke spoke.

"What _is_ your favourite food then?"

Naruto stomach growled at the thought of it. "Mmm pizza. Or maybe spaghetti and meatballs. No definitely pizza."

Sasuke cocked a brow as he continued to eat. "Pizza?"

Naruto was momentarily horrified. "You've never heard of pizza? Agh...I'll make it for you sometime!"

Sasuke shrugged. "Favourite colour?"

"Hmmm, blue."

"Not orange then?"

"What the fuck, man? I fucking said blue."

"Career goal?"

Naruto scrunched up his nose at the question. "Er, well I don't really know. I mean, I was studying Economics at college but I have no idea what I wanna do really."

"Hobbies?"

"Jeezuz, this is worse than a first date!" Naruto declared, debating whether it was worth losing his hand to steal some stirfry. "I guess I like normal guy stuff like computer games, hanging out and masturbating."

Sasuke cocked a brow, pushing his bowl to the side. "Computer games?"

"Hey are you gonna eat the rest of that?" Naruto didn't wait for an answer and stole the left over stirfry with almost ninja-like speed. "Wow, this is awesome! You're a fucking good cook, Sasuke!"

The kooky bastard looked suspiciously pleased but a little uncomfortable by the compliment. Naruto chewed thoughtfully, watching the small splash of colour fade from Sasuke's cheeks. How often did Sasuke hear something nice said about him, he wondered.

"Hm, anyway, computer games are, well, games you play on the computer?" Naruto didn't need to look up from his food to know he was being glared at. "Jeez, I dunno how to explain it."

"Hm," said Sasuke, moving on. "And masturbating? Is that another unexplainable activity?"

Naruto sprayed his mouthful across the table and proceeded to stare incredulously at the other boy. "Are you fucking with me?"

"I am not fucking with you," Sasuke was looking at his table with obvious disgust. "You can clean that up, loser. Gross."

"Um," Naruto tried. "You know, jerking off?"

Sasuke's brow furrowed. "Jerking..? What?"

"Um, how to say...beating the meat?"

"What?"

"Cleaning the pipes?"

"...I'm not sure what-"

"Cranking the love pump?"

"Are we still talking about your hobbies?"

"Jerkin' the gherkin?"

"...I'm quite certain you're being a moron."

"Polishing the pole?"

"You're using euphemisms for... _something_."

"Shaking the sausage? I'm beginning to think I can do this for hours."

"..."

"Slapping the purple-headed yoghurt pistol?"

Sasuke visibly blanched. "That sounds disgusting."

"Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation?"

"..."

Naruto grinned, knowing Sasuke would understand _this_ one. "Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion?"

It took a moment, but Sasuke finally Got It. He jerked back from the table as though slapped.

"What the fuck?" he almost yelled, a nice shade of scarlet rising in his cheeks once more.

Naruto, while admittedly finding Sasuke's reaction highly amusing, thought it was a little over the top.

"Are you telling me you don't masturbate?" he asked, genuinely curious, still grinning.

"Of course not!" Sasuke shot back, his flush fading quickly.

Naruto was immediately inclined to call him a flaming fat liar, but Sasuke continued quickly.

"When I was young, my older brother told me that if you touched your dick too much, you'd go blind. As our bloodline relied heavily on..."

Naruto couldn't help it. He fell in to hysterics. Sasuke was going to kill him, oh god he was, but it was just too innocently hilarious.

"No, no, you've gotta be pulling my leg, you bastard," Naruto gasped for breath, smothering stray giggles after catching sight of Sasuke's expression. "You're telling me you've never played with yourself? Not for fun or stress relief?"

"No," he said, obviously fucking irritated.

"And no one has ever talked to you about it?"

Of course they haven't, Naruto thought. Sasuke lost his family and everyone would've just thought that sex stuff was something the boy would pick up somehow with his mates.

And Sasuke was probably-

"You're a virgin!"

Sasuke lifted his chin. "And? So?"

Naruto smiled, continuing with Sasuke's leftover dinner. "No, that's cool. Awesome really. I respect that."

"Good."

"Um, but," Naruto added around a mouthful of noodles. "You do know now that masturbating isn't going to make you blind, right?"

Sasuke sighed, folding his arms over the table and slouching a little. "I suspected as much."

"And yet you still haven't done it!"

Naruto just shook his head at the other boy's slight shrug, but then looked at him slyly.

"You know, it's _heeeeaps_ better when someone else does it for you."

He was expecting Sasuke to flush pink again, maybe call him a loser or throw something at his head. Not-

"I'll remember you offered when I decide to give it a go."

This time, Naruto flushed.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. "You know bits of it all already," Uchiha shot him a glare. "I'm dangerous." "Everyone in Konoha is dangerous," Uzumaki scoffed. "You're a homicidal insane bastard that's managed to skip out on life behind bars, and yet you still haven't really explained that part." "Why they let me walk around instead of just letting me out if and when I'm needed?" Sasuke slammed his fists in to the grass, mouth a jagged line of anger. "I didn't have a choice, and now they control me. It's what the Council always wanted."

**_LiK: Chapter Five  
_ **

Naruto yawned widely and slid further down the base of the tree they were sitting under.

"Tell me guys," he started, scrubbing at his eyes to stay awake, "why you get up at four a.m to wait three hours for Kakashi to get here. And didn't he say yesterday you don't have missions?"

The other Naruto grinned widely, his eyes squinting in the way Naruto knew his did as well. "It's practically tradition."

Sakura nodded absentmindedly, looking over Sai's shoulder as he sketched with the dim dawn light.

"Gives us a chance to just relax before we work hard," she added, smothering her own yawn behind her hand. "Plus we still need to train."

Naruto still didn't understand why the relaxing part couldn't be done in the comfort of their own beds until a reasonable hour, but he was already suspecting that most people in Konoha were a little touched in the head.

"Kakashi didn't think we knew, but when we were in the Academy still he used to hide in the trees and observe us during this time," Sasuke said from his perch on the bridge railing, the only one still at the actual meeting place.

Uzumaki glanced over at him. "That's kinda creeper-ish man."

"He is a pervert," Sai said, his brow furrowed slightly as he concentrated on his drawing.

" _Not_ a paedophile though," Naruto's lookalike scowled at Sai, the whisker marks on his cheeks growing more pronounced for a moment.

"Of course not," Sakura agreed easily, patting her fiancé on the knee reassuringly and shooting a quick glare at Sai.

Naruto watched the exchange closely, finding it equally interesting that they actually liked and respected their teacher-leader guy and that Sai irritated the whole team on occasions.

But it was the whisker thing and the flash of red he saw in his lookalike's eyes that made him lean forward.

"What was that?"

"I said-"

"No," Uzumaki interrupted, scooting over until he was sitting in front of the other Naruto, now wide awake. "Your eyes man. And your scar things. What was _that_?"

Judging by the way Sai stopped sketching and Sasuke jumped from the railing and joined them on the grass, Naruto had asked A Very Interesting Question.

"Ah, well, it's uhm…"

"A long story," Sasuke finished, "that you don't really need to worry about."

Naruto watched, fascinated, as his lookalike shot Sasuke a glance that screamed 'thank you'. What the fuck, he wondered to himself. He didn't understand the dynamics of this team _at all_.

"I need more charcoal," Sai said as he stood suddenly. "I'll be back soon."

Sakura climbed to her feet as well, pulling her fiancé up beside her. "We might go for a quick walk before Kakashi gets here. We won't be long."

Sasuke sat down as the others left.

"Did I say something stupid," Naruto asked, "or did I mention the elephant in the room?"

"It's a given that you say stupid shit," Sasuke cocked a brow at him. "Elephant in the room?"

Naruto settled back against the tree again, watching the sky grow pink and yellow on the horizon to signal the rising sun.

"It's a saying," he said. "Did I draw attention to the really obvious thing that everyone else was ignoring?"

"Ha," Sasuke snorted, rearranging to sit cross-legged and lean on his elbows. "Sort of."

Naruto waited patiently for about five seconds. "Well? Are you gonna tell me the story?"

"It is a long story."

Sasuke sounded thoughtful and, Naruto wondered if the other even realised, a little sad.

"Cut it down to what your antisocialness will allow then. Five sentences or less."

"Okay. Naruto has the demon nine-tailed fox sealed in him. The seal has weakened and will eventually break so the Hokage is researching how to kill the demon completely. It seems there's no way to remove it that doesn't involve Naruto's death so she's finding a way to do that with as little risk as possible. I should be locked away, but I'm also the only one that can control the demon if the seal breaks before we're ready."

Naruto tried hard to believe what he was hearing but it was far too _insane_.

"So, lemme get this straight…" he said slowly, ticking off his thoughts on his fingers. "This demon fox is of the death and destruction and the end to humankind variety?"

"Yeah."

"And you…are the only one who would be able to control it if it broke loose?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

Sasuke sighed, turning his head in his palm to look at Naruto fully. "My bloodline ability, _Sharingan_."

"What's Sha-" Uzumaki fell silent abruptly when Sasuke's eyes morphed from almost black to bloody red. And his pupils separated in to weird kaleidoscope patterns, spinning too fast to be anything but a blur.

And then they were dark again.

"Whoa. No wonder you didn't masturbate," Naruto was gobsmacked for a long moment. "Pretty fucking cool but what does it _do_?"

Sasuke chuckled humourlessly, facing forward once more. "Nothing anymore. Well, not unless the demon breaks out."

"…Huh?"

"You know bits of it all already," Uchiha shot him a glare. "I'm dangerous."

" _Everyone_ in Konoha is dangerous," Uzumaki scoffed. " _You're_ a homicidal insane bastard that's managed to skip out on life behind bars, and yet you still haven't really explained that part."

"Why they let me walk around instead of just letting me out if and when I'm needed?" Sasuke slammed his fists in to the grass, mouth a jagged line of anger. "I didn't have a choice, and now they control _me_. It's what the Council always wanted."

Naruto was sick of asking questions and getting run-around answers but this time Sasuke wasn't finished. Uchiha leapt to his feet and began undoing his ridiculous puffy vest. When he hiked up his navy undershirt Naruto thought maybe he ought to say something.

"Uh…you're rather hot and interesting in an exotic I'd Probably Get Burned sort of way but this is a little sudden and a tad too public…"

Sasuke ignored his weak attempt to ease the anger and tension and pulled his shirt over his head, turning immediately to show Naruto his back.

Uzumaki sucked in his breath and wasn't sure what happened to it from there.

It looked like a fresh tattoo to Naruto, the inked edges lined with angry red skin as though it were only done yesterday. It spanned across Sasuke's entire back, intricate lines and symbols that he didn't understand and a huge kanji character that Naruto had never seen before etched between his shoulder blades.

"Is that…" Naruto hesitated, he wanted to say the right thing. "Is that a seal?"

Sasuke slouched, his voice low. "Yeah. Stops me from being able to use anything but the most basic ninjutsu. And my _Sharingan_ won't have any effect unless faced with the demon fox."

He pulled his shirt and vest back on before dropping to sit beside Naruto once more, quiet and withdrawn. Or more so than usual at least, Uzumaki thought.

It was all so serious and intense.

"It looks painful," Naruto wasn't sure what to say when Uchiha had said so much.

The other teen hmmed vaguely but offered nothing further.

Naruto, however, was thinking. Aloud.

"Wouldn't it be safer if you _were_ locked away?"

Sasuke looked at him with a raised brow.

"Well," Uzumaki amended, sitting up fully, "you are the last of your clan right? The last with your special eye thing. So shouldn't your Council be keeping you safe since you are your world's last line of defence in the case of Escaped Rampaging Killer Demon? And doesn't sealing away your abilities make you vulnerable?"

Uchiha stared at him. "You're not stupid. My apologies."

Naruto grinned, slightly confused but pleased. "Graciously accepted of course."

"That's why I'm on the team," Sasuke explained. "It goes both ways. I need their _protection_ and I need to be near Naruto in case of, as you say, Escaped Rampaging Killer Demon. The Council's seal will deactivate when needed and I'll be able to force the fox back in to submission."

He shrugged, frowning. "It's not ideal and I certainly don't like it, but it's the best we've got until Tsunade can kill it, or remove it, from Naruto."

Uzuamki watched Sasuke from the corner of his eye. The kooky teen was strange.

He was accused of murder, and attempted murder.

And yet here he was, forced to be the shield of this world and shouldering that responsibility with little complaint, likely a lot of pain and yet with little support.

It striked Naruto as unfair.

Perhaps he'd feel differently if he were Sai or Sakura or this world's Naruto, but it didn't change the fact that without even realising it, Sasuke was doing an awful lot to make up for his past douchebaggy mistakes.

And not receiving a lot of recognition for his efforts.

He grinned mischievously.

"Well," Naruto said loudly and brightly, rolling on to his stomach to face Uchiha easily, "I've been here for all of two days and you've fed me, clothed me, put a roof over my head, tolerated my company and questions and now I know you are, like, the only person who can save my life in the event of Killer Demon Fox so I gotta say: I really appreciate you, Sasuke. And thanks."

Uzumaki continued to smile as Sasuke just stared at him, obviously at a loss as to what to do.

Eventually he hunched forward and tilted his head so his bangs obscured his face, but not before Naruto saw the flaring heat flush across his cheeks.

"No problem," he said, voice low, relaxing after a long moment to shoot Naruto a small quick smile.

Moments later Sai and then Naruto and Sakura returned, closely followed by Kakashi which was apparently surprisingly.

"You're late but still…early-ish?" Sakura said, uncertain, glancing behind their sensei as if that would reveal why.

"Oh," the man said simply, his nose in a different book of the same variety this morning. "I would've been earlier but I came across a fox and a snake you see, but I didn't want to disturb their conversation so I went for a walk and decided I'd come back a bit later."

Two blonds and an artist stared at Kakashi with varying degrees of incomprehension.

But a pink rabbit glanced at the snake and thought that maybe it wasn't as poisonous as she thought.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. Uzumaki suddenly laughed out loud at the epiphany that struck him square in the face. "Sasuke," he said seriously, "is like a cactus." "…What?" Naruto looked suitably startled. "Those spiky plants? I never could grow them." Naruto grinned back, pleased. "Exactly!" His lookalike didn't appear particularly convinced. "So you reckon Sasuke is prickly and unapproachable?" "Well…yes. But, most people think cacti don't need taking care of, you see." "They don't. They grow in the desert."

_**LiK: Chapter Six  
** _

"Jeezuz _fuck_ ," Naruto mumbled to himself, eyes wide as he stood beside Kakashi watching the others 'train'.

Sai, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were _scary_.

Sai drew inked pictures in milliseconds that could _kill_ you.

Naruto somehow produced dozens upon dozens of clones that could _kill_ you after kicking your ass in to the ground.

Sakura threw punches that would, despite what Sasuke had said previously, _kill_ you considering what her fists did to the ground, trees and Naruto's clones.

And, even though he was limited to 'only' basic ninjutsu, Sasuke was as resourceful as he was clever and could _kill_ you with whatever was lying around. Or his bare goddamn _hands_.

Uzumaki rubbed his eyes and stared as the four fighters practically flew through the air, throwing knives and jutsu and running up trees and along water and fucking _hell_.

"Fucking _hell_ ," he repeated aloud, because it was so insanely scary in a totally awesome way.

"They are impressive, aren't they?" Kakashi chuckled. "I'd say they're our village's best, but I'm rather biased on that."

Naruto glanced at the man out of the corner of his eye. He was the team's teacher, he wondered, so how powerful was _he_ then?

"This is insane!" he exclaimed, unable to bottle up what he was witnessing. "How do you even police this sort of power?"

Kakashi looked at him strangely, lowering his book porn. "It's what we've always known so we educate, train and learn. Of course we have a hierarchy, a government if you will. But it's just like everywhere and anywhere there are humans: there's always a minority who use their skills inappropriately."

"And what happens to them?"

"They're hunted down and killed," Kakashi shrugged, opening his worn book once more.

"Right," Naruto murmured faintly, turning back to watch. "Of course they are. Right."

The training, however, appeared to be over as the team made their way toward Kakashi and Naruto. Glancing at the sky Uzumaki realised they had been at it for quite some time, not that he noticed because he had been embarrassingly _mesmerised_.

As they drew close, he could see none of them had even a scratch. _Bizarre_.

"I suppose you heard the summons, Sakura," Kakashi said by way of greeting.

Sakura nodded. "The hospital's been understaffed lately. Tsunade-sama said I'd be on call."

She said goodbye to her fiancé, with a full mouth kiss that made Naruto feel distinctly awkward, before leaping away in to the trees.

"What summons?" he asked the rest of the team in general, still goggling after Sakura's adept exit that was apparently no big deal. "I didn't hear anything."

They all looked at him.

"You didn't hear the crow?" Sasuke frowned. "Your awareness of your surroundings is concerning."

"Well fuck, I may have! It's not like I pay attention to crows. They're _everywhere_."

"Not in Konoha. The Hokage uses crows to send messages," Sai added.

"Huh," Naruto mused aloud. "Why not use pigeons?"

" _Pigeons_?" Sasuke stared at him, openly dumbfounded. "Those things are as dumb as bricks and fly just as well, and shit _everywhere_. Who in their right mind would use _pigeons_ to send messages?"

"Huh," Naruto repeated. "Well we just use phones. Much easier. And quicker."

Kakashi leaned forward, interested. "Yes, Sasuke told me about that communication you used. How does it work?"

"…Um. Yeah. I actually have no idea."

"Have I told you lately that you're a retard?" Sasuke said after a long silence.

Naruto locked his hands behind his head with a grin, unaffected. "Every day since I've known you. I thought you were some sort of genius, man. Kinda figured you would've thought of a new insult by now."

The other Naruto barked out a surprised laugh, looking at Sasuke differently. "I've never thought of it that way before."

Sasuke shrugged, clearly not overly concerned. "If the shoe fits…"

Naruto rested his fist on his chin and stared down at Sasuke's feet, unable to ignore the peep toes any longer. "Seriously, I have to ask now it's been indirectly sort of not really brought up…what's with the sandals?"

Even Kakashi tore his eyes from his book to join everyone else in looking at Uchiha's shoes curiously. "What do you mean?"

Naruto wasn't quite sure how to broach the topic tactfully. "Uh…they're very…distinctive?"

Sasuke stared at him. "The hell..? Distinctive? Everyone wears them."

Naruto exploded into a flurry of movement, gesturing wildly. "I know right! What's with that? What if you dropped one of those koon-eye things or stubbed your toe or something? They seem so impractical for being a shinbo! Why not closed-in shoes?"

" _Shinobi_ ," Sasuke corrected with an eye roll so loud the 'you retard' didn't need to be voiced. " _Kunai_."

Sai, however, appeared to be giving the question serious consideration.

"I like them," he said, jutting out his foot and inspecting it. "They're comfortable."

Naruto v2.0 agreed, extending out his own beside Sai's. "And they breathe."

Kakashi nodded, examining his own footwear in turn. "We spend a lot of time outdoors and training, missions and so on. Possible build-up of moisture, which could lead to a build-up of microbes…leading to bacterial infections, gangrene, amputations. Rather impractical to be a ninja without a left foot."

Naruto stared at the peep toes that now made a lot more sense. "I…suppose closed-in shoes are over-rated, if you think about it."

"Can we not stand in a circle staring at our feet?" Sasuke asked after a long moment of doing exactly that. "This is ridiculous."

"Yes, while this little tangent has been…positively riveting-" Kakashi snapped his porn shut and stowed it in one of his many pockets "-I have better things to do."

Sasuke snorted rather indelicately. "No you don't."

"Well, no, but…" Kakashi shrugged almost apologetically before disappearing.

"God I wish I could do that," Naruto muttered, shaking his head. "What an asshole."

"Hey, uh…" Naruto v2.0 glanced at him and floundered a moment, obviously unsure how to address him before just deciding not to. "I was going to head over to the mission report office to visit Iruka-sensei. Did you want to come? He might have something you could do."

Uzumaki glanced at Sai, who was already ignoring them in favour of his sketchbook, and Sasuke, who was pretending to ignore them by staring off in to the distance.

It was probably time to have a go at getting over the strangeness, he admitted.

"Yeah, sure."

It was weird leaving Sasuke behind. Ever since Naruto's dorm room had been invaded by ninja, the kooky Uchiha had basically been _there_ all the time.

But talking with Konoha's Uzumaki was surprisingly interesting.

"Sasuke told you about it then?" he said to Naruto's not so subtle questions about the demon fox. "Granny Tsunade thinks she might be close to working out something, but she wants to be sure. It's not like we can test it beforehand."

"What's it like?"

Naruto looked at him as they walked, squinting in confusion. "What's what like?"

"You know," he waved his hands around vaguely, "having a killer demon sealed up inside you, or whatever the situation is. What's it like?"

Uzumaki laughed shortly, surprised. "No one's asked me that before. It's hard to explain. Most of the time I don't notice. Other times-"

He broke off with a grimace and took a steadying breath. "Other times it's hard to remember myself if I'm angry or someone I care about is in trouble."

Naruto stared at the Uzumaki of this strange ninja world. He hadn't thought much of him to begin with, tried not to honestly, but there seemed to be a few layers more to the guy than Naruto expected. It was uncanny how identical they were, and yet they had been shaped differently by their worlds.

"Do you mean like the demon tries to take over?"

Naruto shrugged. "In a way. It can't without my say so, but if I'm upset enough it gets harder to remember that I don't need its power."

He grinned suddenly, abashed. "I've got a bit of a temper so I do my best to stay relaxed these days."

Uzumaki wondered at something then. "So…you and the crazy bastard…is that why you two don't hang out much? Too much bad blood get the demon riled?"

Naruto frowned, puzzled, before his face cleared and he chuckled. "Oh, Sasuke. Heh, yeah Kyuubi gets agitated around him. I think he can tell that Sasuke's _Sharingan_ can control him. I'm kinda surprised he told you so much..."

Uzumaki felt the questioning stare prickle at his skin uncomfortably and shook it off with a jerky roll of his shoulders. "Man, even if your team hangs out practically every day, I think that guy's lonely."

Naruto watched closely as his lookalike's eyes flashed darkly for a moment. "It's not like we don't or didn't try. He pushes everyone away."

"Easier that way. …I suppose attempted murder by your best friend _is_ rather hard to forgive or forget too."

The anger seemed to seep out of Naruto then with a soft sigh. "…Yeah. But…I don't think Sasuke ever really had friends. I was just the closest to it."

Naruto was inclined to disagree but then he thought about it. Did the crazy bastard even know _how_ to be friends with someone? He wouldn't be surprised if Sasuke didn't. Life likely hadn't been easy.

Uzumaki suddenly laughed out loud at the epiphany that struck him square in the face.

"Sasuke," he said seriously, "is like a cactus."

"…What?" Naruto looked suitably startled. "Those spiky plants? I never could grow them."

Naruto grinned back, pleased. "Exactly!"

His lookalike didn't appear particularly convinced. "So you reckon Sasuke is prickly and unapproachable?"

"Well…yes. _But_ , most people think cacti don't need taking care of, you see."

"They don't. They grow in the desert."

"Wrong! Well, they _do_ grow in the desert," Naruto added, waving his hands around as he warmed up to how _well_ it fit, "but a cactus isn't as tough as it looks. It still needs water and nutrients and shit that everything else needs to survive. The problem is, people don't _think_ they do. They see a cactus and think 'well shit, that plant looks pretty fucking hardass with all its them there spikes – it can damn well look after itself'."

"I…see?"

Uzumaki shook his head. "Listen. If your usual type of plant isn't happy, it withers and yellows and sheds leaves and so on, but a _cactus_ isn't like that. It-"

"-suffers in silence and then suddenly falls over beyond all hope of recovery."

Naruto stared at wide blue eyes locked with his, hands frozen in mid-air. He hadn't thought the metaphor through to its inevitable closing and kind of wished he had.

His hands fell to his sides. "Uh…yeah. I guess that's where I was going with that. Yeah."

"Holy shit," said Uzumaki. "Sasuke's a cactus."

They had paused in the street with the sudden bizarre epiphany, though now they continued along their way, Naruto shadowing his lookalike.

The Naruto here, Uzumaki thought slowly as they walked, didn't know how to grow cacti. He'd said as much.

But Naruto. He did. He'd kept one on his kitchen window sill for as long as he could remember, and it flowered every year.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. “So…are you sure staying with Sasuke is going…fine..?” Naruto felt a spike of irritation. Was everyone going to ask that? He supposed he could understand but really, it was starting to get damn annoying. He stamped down his annoyance and shot his lookalike half a grin. “Still have all my limbs and haven’t been murdered in my sleep. It’s fine, man. Seriously. Cut the dude some slack hey?” “Yeah, I know. It’s just…” He trailed off and didn’t quite meet Naruto’s gaze. “…you seem to be getting along with him pretty well.” Naruto shrugged. “It’s not that hard.” “It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I dunno why you guys put up with me! SURPRISE anyway…

_LiK – Chapter 7  
  
_ Naruto wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he followed his lookalike into the mission report office, but was completely disappointed when it turned out to be basically an empty room with a few tables and chairs.

To think that reporting on missions had sounded so _cool_ , he thought as they made their way across the hall, but it was just _paperwork_.

There were a few ninja in uniform obviously filling out reports, chatting or looking over noticeboards that screamed ‘Jobs No One Wants’ but all in all, it was a surprising let down given what Naruto had come to expect from this world.

“Wait here a second,” Uzumaki paused by a job board, and darted a quick glance to the desks. “I don’t think Granny Tsunade’s explained the, uh, situation to Iruka-sensei, so I’ll just…”

He trailed off helplessly with a vague gesture but Naruto understood well enough. “Yeah sure. It’s cool, man.”

He watched the other Naruto approach a uniformed man behind a desk but turned away before he was mentioned in the conversation. He didn’t envy having to explain The Situation. Hell, _he_ had trouble believing it still.

Instead he leaned forward to examine fliers on the noticeboard, cocking a brow with a short chuckle at the variety of jobs posted. Someone wanted their missing cat returned, an engagement ring found, an escort to the next country, their lawn trimmed – Naruto paused at that.

How did ninja mow lawns? It almost sounded like the start of a joke. Not to mention his brief stint in Konoha so far had indicated that the people had amazing abilities but their technology wasn’t quite up to what he was used to. Did they even _have_ lawn mowers?

Naruto shook his head. Out of all the cool stuff that was here, he was wondering about fucking _lawn mowers_. Jeezuz.

He straightened and glanced over to see how the explaining of The Situation was going. About as well as could be expected judging by the other Naruto’s animated hand gestures and Iruka-sensei’s rather flummoxed expression. But then his lookalike looked his way and waved him over.

“It sounds crazy, I know,” Naruto said immediately, but Iruka shook his head with a small smile.

“Not as crazy as you might expect,” his welcoming smile faded slightly. “Naruto mentioned you’re staying with Sasuke? Is that going…well?”

The question was completely loaded but Uzumaki could hardly blame him.

He nodded with a grin. “Don’t worry…I’m as surprised as you.”

Iruka watched him shrewdly for a long moment. “Alright then. So you are looking for some work?”

“Yeah,” he screwed up his face unhappily. “I’ve already been told I can’t do cool ninja stuff so whatever else you got, I guess.”

Iruka laughed as he sifted through a few documents on his desk, selecting a small scroll and scanning it quickly before handing it to Naruto.

“It’s probably a bit boring,” he offered apologetically, “but the town library’s looking for reliable casuals. I’ll need to talk to Hokage-sama about it as it won’t suit your custodial conditions so don’t get your hopes up just yet.”

Naruto nodded, glancing over the information scroll. “Sure thing. Thanks.”

“I need to get back to work,” Iruka smiled warmly at the other Naruto and clapped him on the shoulder. “Still up for Ichiraku tonight?”

“Of course! See you later!”

They left Iruka to the small queue that had formed at his desk and made their way back outside.

“Working at the library wouldn’t be so bad,” Naruto’s lookalike glanced sideways at him. “It’d be fine money and Granny Tsunade should be okay with it if one of us dropped in on you throughout the day.”

Naruto tucked the scroll in to his pocket. “Here’s hoping. I need _something_ to do. And I’ll be able to send a bit of money Sasuke’s way for putting up with me.”

His lookalike stared at him for a long moment. “So…are you _sure_ staying with Sasuke is going…fine..?”

Naruto felt a spike of irritation. Was _everyone_ going to ask that? He supposed he could understand but really, it was starting to get kind of fucking annoying.

He stamped down his annoyance and shot the other teen half a grin. “Still have all my limbs and haven’t been murdered in my sleep. It’s fine, man. Seriously. Cut the dude some slack hey?”

Uzumaki smiled apologetically. “Yeah, I know. It’s just…” He trailed off and didn’t quite meet Naruto’s gaze. “…you seem to be getting along with him pretty well.”

Naruto shrugged. “It’s not that hard.”

“It _is_.”

They stared at each other for a long moment, uncomfortable, before Naruto’s lookalike glanced away with a sigh.

“I think I’m a bit…jealous, you know?” he admitted quietly. “Me and Sakura tried for years and then…then you’re here for all of a few days…”

“You two have a fucked up history with that crazy guy,” Naruto jerked his shoulders, feeling way out of his depth. “His emotional baggage must weigh a ton and have Keep the Fuck Out stickers slapped all over it. Who the hell could blame you for moving on from someone that’s done the shit he has to you?”

“But what about you?” Uzumaki asked, voice low.

“Me?” Naruto locked his fingers behind his head, thinking how to explain something he hadn’t thought about until now. “Yeah, he threw a knife at me. But he thought I was you and that it wouldn’t be even remotely an issue, so I’m not gonna hold that against him. I think he’s crazy. Fucked up. A bit of a dick. But he’s done a lot for me since I’ve been here.”

“Do you think…” Naruto’s lookalike hesitated. “Do you think he’s expecting you to be…me?”

Naruto dropped his hands and shrugged, disliking how much the question bothered him considering the instant ramen issue the other day.

“You know something Naruto?” he finally called the other by name, and it felt and sounded as bizarre as he expected. “We look pretty much the same and we’re both kind of cool, but that’s about all we’ve got in common.”

“Bit of a relief isn’t it?” Uzumaki grinned, and they both laughed. “Come on, I want to show you the Hokage monument up close. It’s pretty impressive.”

Naruto fell in to step with the other teen. “Is that that ginormous Mount Rushmore thing with the carved faces? Can’t really miss it looming over your village like that.”

Before his lookalike could ask he explained. “Back where I’m from another country had a similar thing. Kinda not as impressive as Konoha’s since they ran out of money part way through.”

“Granny Tsunade and my dad’s faces are up there. Let’s go up top, the view’s incredible.”

Naruto understood it was special to this world’s Naruto and silently followed his lookalike along the winding path that circled behind the Hokage Tower and up the mountainside. It was a relatively long walk and Uzumaki figured the other teen would normally use his ninja abilities to take a shortcut. But when they reached the summit he could easily admit the view was rather spectacular.

“Whoa.”

Uzumaki shot him a pleased grin. “Amazing, isn’t it?”

He could see the village borders and even the moving specks that were likely patrolling shinobi along the high walls. Shading his eyes against the slowly setting sun, Naruto couldn’t see much more than trees beyond Konoha in any direction.

“Looks more isolated than I expected,” he turned to Uzumaki. “How near’s the next town?”

“Not that far,” Naruto pointed to the trees in the distance. “The forest is pretty dense and blocks a lot from view, but there’s another town a half day’s travel to the south-west. Konoha is powerful and self-sufficient so we don’t need to leave often for anything more than missions.”

Naruto nodded at that, before remembering something about his jarring entry to Konoha. “Where’s the spot where I, uh, arrived? I remember being in the forest.”

His lookalike glanced at him knowingly. “Just outside the gates, a few minutes’ walk. Trap specialists have examined the area and there’s nothing there. Hokage-sama handed the research over to Shikamaru.”

“What for?”

Uzumaki shrugged. “He experienced the…phenomenon firsthand and is brilliant. If anything can be discovered, it’ll be by him.”

Naruto nodded, easily agreeing, but hesitated. “Can we…I mean, I wanna see the area where I rocked up. Ya know?”

His lookalike flicked a thumb at the lowering sun. “I thought you’d eventually ask but it’s not going to be today. It’s getting late and Granny Tsunade would want to know about it. We’ll need to run it by Shikamaru as well.”

“Sure.”

Naruto was looking forward to that, honestly. He hadn’t really caught up with his friend since he’d been dragged in to this place, and having a chat with Nara would be normalising.

They made their way back down the winding path and by the time they reached the Uchiha Compound, the sun had well and truly set. Uzumaki didn’t seem crazy enough to trek through the dark and abandoned compound so Naruto waved him off, grinning at his lookalike’s relieved and hurried goodbye.

Turning to face the short walk to Sasuke’s by himself, his grin slipped. Fucking _creepy_ place.

He took a deep breath and then pelted along the path, not stopping until he slammed Sasuke’s door open and closed, leaning against it and breathing hard.

“What the fuck?” Sasuke appeared from the kitchen, frowning. “Something wrong?”

Naruto shook his head, his heart settling slowly, almost laughing hysterically. “Nah man, but you live in the creepiest place _ever_. Moving _is_ an option, ya know.”

Sasuke cocked a brow, flopping down on the lounge futon. “The atmosphere keeps people out. It’s very effective.”

Naruto laughed, pushing himself away from the door. “You got that right.”

Scary Dark Uchiha Compound Walk out of the way and back in Sasuke’s frankly easy company, Naruto relaxed quickly. He pulled out the scroll Iruka gave him and waved it at Sasuke.

“Might have some work so I’m not spongin’ off you 24/7. Whatcha think?”

Sasuke scanned through the scroll quickly before handing it back. “What about your custodial conditions?”

Naruto shrugged, dropping to sit beside Sasuke. “Iruka said he’d talk to the Hokage lady, but that’d be cool right?”

The other teen half turned to look at him, his expression unreadable. “It’s not to make your life inconvenient.”

“Wha?”

Naruto leaned back a little when the kooky bastard leaned forward, eyes dark and serious. “It’s to keep you safe, idiot.”

“I-“ he felt the beginning of the blooming warmth in his chest that he’d been kind of afraid he’d feel since he met Sasuke, and shook his head. “I realise that, but I feel kinda bad not being able to pay you-”

“Do you _realise_ how easily you could die here?”

Naruto _did_ and it scared the absolute shit out of him, and was pretty much the sole reason why he wouldn’t mind getting the fuck out of Konoha.

Sasuke kept staring at him, eyes cutting through his bangs. “Most people like Naruto but there’s still a few that…don’t. And some of our actions can be deadly to civilians.”

Naruto knew _that_ well enough. He suspected that when the crazy Uchiha threw kunai at him, Sasuke expected him to dodge them with ease or pluck them out of the air or something equally super human. Only he _didn’t_ and _can’t_.

“If you’re trying to scare the absolute fuck outta me,” Naruto finally managed, his voice steady enough, “then you’re doing a bang up job of it. But it’s nothing I hadn’t already worked out for myself.”

Sasuke sighed and his gaze slid to the side. “So we’ve established you’re not a complete idiot and therefore won’t take the job?”

Naruto frowned. “What? I never said-”

“It’s not _safe_ , Naruto!” Sasuke exploded suddenly in to a flurry of movement and Naruto could only stare wide-eyed as the kooky bastard paced in front of him, clearly agitated. “It’d be fine if one of us was always there but that’s not _possible_ so it’s not safe! I don’t need your money anyway. I’m not some charity case.”

“Yeah, well, me neither,” Naruto sighed and leaned back, watching closely as Sasuke stopped dead after his outburst.

He wasn’t expecting him to react like this when Iruka-sensei and the other Naruto hadn’t been bothered at all. But he had an inkling that the kooky Uchiha cared a little more about his person than he was willing to admit directly. And that trickling warmth in his chest was a dead giveaway that he sorta didn’t mind that at all.

“I didn’t realise you cared so _much_ about my idiotic ass,” he stood and crossed his arms, grinning while he waited for the words to filter through.

“Fine, fine,” Naruto added when he spotted that hint of colour in the crazy bastard’s face. “Lemme help out around the place then, and cook sometimes so I don’t feel like such a fucking freeloader.”

Sasuke eyed him suspiciously after a long moment. “I’m not entirely sure how I won that.”

Naruto laughed, patting him cheekily on the shoulder as he headed to the kitchen to see what there was. “Then fucked if I give you the advantage by telling you. My turn to cook man.”

He could hear Sasuke right behind him. “Hmn, I think I’ll supervise you in _my_ kitchen.”

And jeezuz, Naruto couldn’t decide if the bastard’s emerging, for lack of a better label, _care_ was insanely sweet or just insane.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/Ninja!Sasuke. Sasuke snorted. “Version two point oh?” Naruto shrugged, out of Sasuke’s line of sight as he quickly rinsed their morning dishes. “I dunno what else to call him.” “How about just Naruto. It is his name after all.” “It’s weird. It’s my name too.” Sasuke didn’t answer until Naruto was sitting at the low table once more, but when he did, his voice was quiet. Careful. “Plenty of people share names. There’s even a few Sasukes in the village.” “I bet,” Naruto avoided Uchiha’s gaze, “that they don’t share your face.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wrote itself and just wouldn’t slow down. I held on for dear life. Plot did that thing where it makes an appearance. And perhaps it's becoming far too obvious that I adore dialogue. Two updates in almost as many days? Don’t get used to it. I know I definitely won’t. Blame super nice reviewers doing their thing :D

**_LiK – Chapter 8_ **

Sakura dropped in the next morning. Naruto got the feeling she hadn’t visited the Uchiha Compound in some time. Not that he blamed her, that’s for sure. If he had _known_ what it was like, walking between the neglected and forgotten houses each day, maybe he would’ve taken up Sai on his indirect offer.

Naruto wondered if Sasuke _saw_ the buildings when he passed through. Maybe he was used to it and they were just _there_ , part of the background. Or perhaps the state of the compound was a constant reminder of his clan and what had happened. Something to make sure he never forgot.

Either which way, Naruto thought, it was fucked up and he was pretty sure it wasn’t entirely healthy.

Though he doubted Sakura had stayed away purely due to the creepiness of the place.

He didn’t know she’d arrived. He was still coming to terms with the fact that there was no such thing as coffee in Konoha and was grudgingly letting go of his daily morning habit, replacing it with some sort of steaming hot spiced tea Sasuke seemed to fancy. At least it wasn’t four in the a.m again but his not-appropriately-caffeinated mood didn’t appear to bother Uchiha in the slightest.

“It sounds like a drug,” Sasuke said to Naruto’s wistful description of coffee, darting a short puzzled glance to his front door. “You’re probably going through withdrawals.”

“What?” Naruto followed his glance but didn’t see anything untoward about the door.

It was there. Doing its job and being doory. Sasuke waved his hand dismissively, taking a sip of his own tea.

“Nothing. You’re addicted,” he added, slanting a challenging brow at Naruto.

Uzumaki took offense immediately, door forgotten. “I am not!”

He paused, considering it. “Well, mebbe a bit. I guess it’s not a prob now, huh. Don’t have a choice in the matter.”

Sasuke watched him over his mug for a long moment. Long enough that Naruto wondered if the fleeting thought of home coloured his words somehow. When the other teen set his tea to the side and crossed his arms over the table, Naruto knew it had.

“You miss it?”

He shrugged, knowing Sasuke wasn’t just talking about coffee. “There wasn’t a lot to miss, but yeah, some things.”

“Family?”

“Nah man,” he turned his mug around in his hands, distracted. “They died when I was a bub. Gran wouldn’t talk about it. I lived with her up until she joined ‘em a few years ago.”

He shook his head, laughing shortly, unamused. “She had a crapton of debt she never breathed a word about. The fucking bank repossessed the house to pay it off. I had nowhere else to go so I moved on campus.”

Sasuke blew out a quiet breath. “Rough.”

Naruto swirled his tea and took a sip, shooting Sasuke a shadow of a smile. “Well, definitely not kittens farting rainbows but compared to your backstory, my life’s been pretty fucking fabulous don’tcha reckon.”

Sasuke dipped his head slightly, conceding. They were silent a moment before Uchiha looked up curiously.

“You said you’ve known Shikamaru for as long as he was missing from Konoha.”

Naruto nodded but when Sasuke said nothing further, he grinned widely, the sombreness of their earlier talk dissipating.

“Oh hoh, you wanna know the _story_! If I’d have known your weirdass world existed back then, well, it would’ve made a fuckload more sense,” he laughed outright, remembering when he met Nara. “Now that I think about it, he must’ve stumbled through the invisible door or whatever literally at the _exact_ moment we met.”

_Naruto stared at the map the Student Relations Officer had given him, adjusting the shoulder strap of his full to bursting overnight bag, slightly concerned it would spill open and send his belongings scattering across campus. He was rooming in Dormitory D, but couldn’t fucking find it on the map._

_He glanced up but the sprawling grounds of the university stretched away in every direction, samey same buildings no matter which way he looked._

_"Well, fuck,” Naruto squinted down at the map again, and then was sent reeling and spinwheeling when something slammed in to him with the force of running full tilt at a brick fucking wall._

_He stared up at the sky, flat out on his back, dazed. A shift of his head confirmed that as feared, his bag had split at the straining zipper and had spewed his clothes across the path. He could see his favourite Adventure Time boxers flapping across the grass in the slight breeze, before catching against a bench. He didn’t know where the fuck his map had gone._

_He coughed when blood seeped down the back of his throat and sat up gingerly, tilting his head back and pinching the bridge of his nose, smearing blood all over his face in the process._

_“Guh,” he managed, wondering what the fuck happened. “I think my nose is broken.”_

_Another boy was flat out beside him, splayed in much the same pose Naruto had been, blinking with disorientation. Uzumaki thought it fair to give his assailant a moment to collect himself before ripping him a new one._

_“Oi,” he said, jabbing the guy in the side with his shoe. “You dead? Permanently damaged in any way?”_

_The other teen groaned and sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead where Uzumaki was satisfied to see a painful lump forming, clearly the point of their impact. He looked at Naruto, paid absolutely no heed to the fact he was bloody and still bleeding, and stared everywhere else._

_“This isn’t… I was on my way… Where…?” he looked utterly confused when his gaze finally settled on Naruto once more. “Why are you here?”_

_Uzumaki figured brain trauma was a distinct possibility. He thought it practically a certainty when the weird guy joined his hands in front of his face and pretty much shouted._

_“Release! Kai!”_

_"Um, dude, heads aren’t just for hats,” the other teen’s expression didn’t waver so Naruto felt the need to clarify. “You seem pretty out of it, man. Mebbe your brain’s been rattled and usually that’s not real good. And I’ve got a nose that I reckon needs resetting. Hospital?”_

_The weird guy shook his head, grimacing. “No. I’ll be fine. I think I might be in trouble.”_

_“Trouble?” Naruto squinted at the teen a little more closely, his head still tipped back._

_He didn’t_ look _like a crim, but one couldn’t tell these days. Though the bandana tied around the guy’s upper arm looked a tad suspect, a weird symbol etched in to metal glinting in the sun. Maybe he was a member of some gang._

_"Whatevs, man, I don’t really care if you’ve got the poh pohs on your tail,” Naruto gestured to his still bleeding nose with his free hand, “but this isn’t going to fix itself. I don’t have my licence yet or a cell so if you could-”_

_The boy crouched beside Naruto with a sigh and leaned forward to inspect his face. “Haaaa it’s not broken. And the bleeding’s slowing. You’ll be fine, Naruto.”_

_"It_ feels _like it’s fucking broken man- hey!” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the other teen. “I don’t know you so how the hell do you know me?”_

_The weird guy stood slowly, his expression a little bewildered, then he flicked a thumb at the overnight bag and its overflowing contents. “Your name’s on your bag.”_

_Uzumaki shifted his gaze and sure enough. “Ah.”_

_He wiped his face with the edge of his shirt, it was blood-stained beyond saving anyway, and tentatively prodded at his nose. Certainly it was tender, but he was pretty sure the other teen was right about it being fine._

_“I’m Shikamaru. Nara. Sorry about the bloody nose,” Shikamaru held out a hand to help Naruto up. “I’ve kind of just… arrived.”_

_“Yeah, me too. Hellova introduction, man. I could’ve gone without the face plant and body slam.”_

Naruto laughed at the memory. “Smartass bastard. He was suddenly in the same dormitory as me and studying the same course. And working at the same café, nickin’ some of my shifts.”

Sasuke smirked. “I’d say I can’t believe you didn’t notice something off about him, but you aren’t particularly observant.”

“Come on, man,” he knocked back the dregs of his now tepid tea. “I didn’t think he was anything more than a little weird. You know he’s in charge of researching the whole Invisible Naruto Gateways thing now?”

“Well if anyone can get you home, it’ll be Shikamaru.”

“Yeah,” Naruto climbed to his feet, grabbing their empty tea mugs and heading to the kitchen. “Naruto v2.0 said I’d need to see Nara before checking out the spot where I appeared in Konoha. You got anything happenin’ today? It’d be cool to catch up with him.”

Sasuke snorted. “Version two point oh?”

Naruto shrugged, out of Sasuke’s line of sight as he quickly rinsed their morning dishes. “I dunno what else to call him.”

“How about just Naruto. It _is_ his name after all.”

“It’s weird. It’s my name too.”

Sasuke didn’t answer until Naruto was sitting at the low table once more, but when he did, his voice was quiet. Careful.

“Plenty of people share names. There’s even a few Sasukes in the village.”

“I bet,” Naruto avoided Uchiha’s gaze, “that they don’t share your face.”

“You’re not exact copies of each other, if that’s your concern. You’re two different people from two different worlds,” something in his tone made Naruto look up and he was immediately pinned by Sasuke’s intense expression. “I haven’t known you very long, I realise that, but I know you well enough that there’s no way I could mistake you for Konoha’s Naruto. You’re…”

Sasuke hesitated and his gaze slid away. Naruto was super interested in what the kooky bastard was going to say when that nice flush of colour flared above his cheekbones for a moment. Interested enough that he felt his pulse quicken when Uchiha looked at him again, a small smile playing around the edge of his mouth.

“Plus, you’re heavier.”

Naruto felt his breath whoosh out of him.

“H-heavier…?”

Then Sasuke’s smile widened enough that Naruto glimpsed teeth and the bastard was _laughing_. It was hard to even pretend to be annoyed when Sasuke’s shoulders were shaking with almost silent laughter.

“Guh!” he smacked his hands on the table, finding his voice and trying damn hard not to laugh himself. “You _fucker_! You _asshole_! You just called me _fat_! I’m not some super fit washboard ab ninja but I’m not fucking _fat_! Guh, you _bastard_!”

Uchiha waved a hand to shush him, still smirking and looking bright and pleased. It was a good look on him and Naruto felt his interest ramp up more than a few notches. Well, _fuck_.

“Shh,” he said finally, eyeing the front door again. “Not so loud. Sakura’s on the doorstep.”

“Huh?” Naruto stared at the door, waiting for a knock. “You sure? How do you know?”

“Because I’m a ninja,” Sasuke’s deadpan tone didn’t need an eyeroll. “I can sense her. She’s been standing there for ages.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you say so! Let her in, you antisocial dick.”

Naruto imagined there was something fragile about the situation. Something he didn’t entirely understand. Sakura hadn’t knocked and Sasuke hadn’t opened the door and neither of them wanted to move first.

Sasuke glanced at Naruto, who gestured impatiently to the door. He sighed and stood, his hand resting on the door handle a moment too long before he swung it open.

“Good morning,” Sakura smiled awkwardly and flashed a quick wave at Naruto over Sasuke’s shoulder.

Clearly, Naruto thought, the fact that they all knew she’d been standing there for a good half hour or so was not up for discussion.

“Morning Sakura,” he wasn’t sure he’d heard Uchiha sound so out of his depth. “Were we meeting today for training?”

“Oh. No,” she edged inside slightly when Sasuke moved to the side. “It’s just… Naruto is working with Hokage-sama today.”

Uzumaki watched Sasuke tense at that. “Are they working on the seal?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out softly as she spoke, her hands wringing together with obvious apprehension. “Tsunade has a lead and wanted to discuss it with Naruto.”

“Just discussing?”

She nodded. “She asked me to send you to the Tower to hear about it as well. It’s important you stay in the loop, considering.”

“Yeah, of course,” Sasuke darted a quick glance at Naruto but Sakura understood well enough.

“It’s fine,” she shot Naruto a small smile. “Naruto said you wanted to see Shikamaru so I’ll be your company for today.”

“For the best,” Sasuke cocked a brow wryly. “He’s not too fond of me, if you recall.”

Naruto definitely remembered the tense atmosphere of Sasuke and Shikamaru’s chat in his dorm, but he snorted loudly. “What, didja call him _fat_ too? Can’t hardly blame him then.”

Uchiha slanted a quick smirk at him before nodding at Sakura and heading off to meet the Hokage.

It was with a sudden long and awkward silence that Naruto realised he hadn’t been left alone with Sakura until now, but she pushed open the door a little wider and smiled easily.

“Let’s go then,” she said. “Shikamaru’s ridiculously smart but lazy as. He’ll jump at the chance of an interruption in his work.”

“Sounds like him,” Uzumaki grinned, pulling the door closed behind them as they headed in to town, the pair of them doing a fabulous job of making the creepy compound walk as short as possible.

Hanging out with Sakura wasn’t as uncomfortable as he expected, but she was obviously distracted.

“You’re worried, then?” he asked eventually, after they’d walked in silence for some time.

“Of course,” she shrugged. “No use denying it. No matter what, the only way to get the demon out for good is for Naruto to d-die long enough for it to be extracted.”

Sakura ducked her head for a moment, pink flicks of hair obscuring her face. “It scares me.”

Naruto didn’t doubt it.

“Why does he havta die?” he asked curiously, if a little bluntly.

“Well,” she started steadily, “the seal’s weakened over time and will break, so soon there’ll be nothing to stop Kyuubi from taking over and nothing to lock it away again. If that happens, Sasuke can subdue it, but that’s not a workable long-term solution. He’d have to control it for as long as he lived, and even then there’s no one else to pass the duty on to after him. And Naruto would be… gone. It’d give us enough time to find a way to kill it though.”

Uzumaki darted a fast glance at Sakura, wide-eyed. Sasuke’s explanation hadn’t been sugar-coated but somehow hearing it from Sakura, deep emotion tinging the edges of her voice, it was even more brutal. Everyone was getting fucked all round.

“Based on how other sealed demons have been killed and extracted throughout shinobi history, if the host is dead, the demon is vulnerable,” Sakura continued, her voice low. “Of course once the host is dead, the demon’s fate is often the same.”

Naruto thought for a moment. “So, worst case scenario?”

She sighed, a shuddering sound that had a whisper of unshed tears behind it. “I’m sure you can imagine Naruto would do what he could to keep the village safe. He’s agreed to it if it’s necessary.”

Uzumaki could only imagine how hard that was for Sakura to swallow.

“There’s ways and means of bringing strong, healthy nin back from controlled death if done correctly and carefully, and quickly. But we have to extract the demon during that time as well otherwise it’d be alive and well when we revived Naruto.”

“ _Jeez_ ,” Naruto breathed. “This is way more fucked than I originally thought. And I gotta tell ya, I thought it was pretty fucked to begin with.”

There was too much emotion involved, no easy decisions and not a lot of choice. He could see every facet of it and didn’t think he’d feel so hard for people he’d known for less than a week.

Sakura’s distress.

This world’s Naruto facing the possibility of dying for the safety of all and that his death would be involved no matter how the shit finally landed after hitting the fan. If he survived would just be a bonus.

Sasuke’s forced role and the repercussions if he needed to play it. The physical pain he suffered in the meantime.

Tsunade likely racing against the weakening seal to find another way.

The Council making decisions that pretty much ensured someone was going to hate on them.

And all Naruto had on his mind a few days ago was getting to his lectures on time.

“Yeah,” Sakura had a forced upbeat lilt that didn’t fool Uzumaki in the slightest. “But it’ll work out. It has to.”

A change of topic was clearly in order and Naruto had something else niggling at him that refused to be forgotten.

“Why’d you stay outside so long back there? Ha, don’t bother denying it,” he added when Sakura began to do exactly that. “Sasuke said he knew you were there cos of his tingly ninja senses.”

She quirked an amused brow at him, halting their walk to Shikamaru’s. “I doubt Sasuke said _that_.”

“Well no, but I’m dead sure it’s what he _meant_.”

“I could hear you two,” she smiled openly at him. “He talks to you.”

Naruto felt his face heat and didn’t really like the implications of that. “That’s cos I _ask_ him things.”

“No, it’s more than that. Naruto said so too.”

Uzumaki levelled a suspicious stare at Sakura. “What do you mean?”

“He said you were easy to talk to. And you are,” she met his gaze head-on. “You don’t have secrets or grudges or reasons to be guarded. You’re not judgemental. You’re not trying to hide or prove anything or be someone you’re not. You’re…”

She hesitated and her gaze slid away. It was so reminiscent to how Sasuke had done the exact same thing earlier that Naruto held his breath, thinking somehow she might say the same thing Uchiha hadn’t dared to say, covering whatever it was with a joke, of all things.

Sakura’s eyes were bright and glassy when she looked up. “You’re… what a real friend looks like, and I feel awful that I can’t say I’m one too.”

She choked on a breath and Naruto’s hands hovered between them uncertainly.

“I’d really like it if you didn’t cry,” he patted her awkwardly on the shoulders. “I kinda don’t know what to do if you do.”

She huffed out a short laugh, wiping a stray tear away with the back of her hand. “I’m fine. Ha, maybe a little stressed.”

“Can’t imagine why,” Naruto shot back wryly.

Sakura laughed again and looked over his shoulder, pointing out a house from the others. “We’re here, that’s Shikmaru’s place there. I’ll wait outside for you, I think. Take as long as you want, I’m not in a hurry to be anywhere else.”

“You sure?”

“Of course,” she smiled kindly. “It’s been weird talking with you, but good.”

“Seems to be the theme of it. Likewise, Sakura,” Uzumaki grinned back before heading up the path to Shikamaru’s.

Sakura’s heart was in the right spot really, he thought as he knocked on Nara’s door. And she was cute and obviously had smarts. He could totally get why Konoha’s Naruto liked her.

But fuck it, he just couldn’t get past the colour of her hair.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. “No!” Sasuke unwound like a spring but seemed to remember himself just as quickly and crossed his arms again tightly, his panic palpable. “No, you can’t do that.” Tsunade’s tone gentled, which made her next words difficult to initially understand. “I understand you’re upset but this isn’t a negotiation. I had no idea the compound was this derelict. You know I can’t allow this and I will be putting the order in.” Naruto expected Sasuke to yell or lash out, but the poor bastard just stared at the Hokage. “This is all I’ve got, Tsunade. I live here.” “I’m sorry,” she avoided Sasuke’s stare. Wow, Naruto thought, Sasuke's life sucked bigtime and the bastard just couldn't seem to catch a break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blah, plotty plot was why this chapter thwarted me at every turn! And chatty ninja!
> 
> I feel it may be prudent to remind y’all that I haven’t watched the anime for years and haven’t read the manga in so long that the anime has likely caught up to where I stopped. Life just wouldn’t let me keep up with it. And yet somehow this fandom still has a strong hold on me. I’m aware characters have died/changed/grown stronger/been reanimated in death, relationships have changed, wars have happened, Sasuke and Naruto are pretty much battling to the death at the Valley again in what seems to be the final stages of the series, etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is I suppose I follow canon up to the point of early Shippuden, after which my fic branches off as AU in that Orochimaru attempts to take Sasuke’s body, Sasuke is distinctly not ok with that and kills him, then kills Itachi after they have their long overdue bro-chat as per canon and then returns to Konoha. Yeah. Something like that.

**_LiK: Chapter 9_ **

“Er, hi, Mrs Nara?” Naruto shuffled his feet awkwardly, feeling like he was twelve again. “Is Shikamaru around?”

Shikamaru’s mum was pretty hot for a middle-aged lady, but Naruto figured he’d keep that observation to himself. She smiled as she stepped aside, inviting him in.

“Yoshino, please. Well there’s no question who you are. How are you finding Konoha?”

“Interesting…” Naruto tried, but caved when Yoshino levelled a hard stare at him that brooked no avoiding.

“Mostly messed up or scary,” he admitted. “Often both.”

Mrs Nara’s stare softened and she patted him on the cheek in the way only mothers and grandmas could get away with. “Konoha is quite peaceful for a nin village. You have little to worry about.”

Naruto nodded politely but hell, he’d seen enough for that to not ease his fears in the slightest.

Yoshino gestured to the kitchen. “Have a seat, there’s freshly baked biscuits if you’re hungry. I’ll let Shikamaru know you’re here.”

He waved his hands. “Thanks, but I’m not-”

“Have a biscuit.”

“Yes ma’am,” her tone had Naruto sitting obediently, taking a still warm cookie from the cooling tray before he could blink. “Thank you.”

He munched thoughtfully while he waited. With a mum like that, Naruto wouldn’t be at all surprised if Shikamaru was married before the year was out. Probably to a girl as bossy as Yoshino. There was likely a way of saying no to Mrs Nara. Naruto figured it was paved with pain and ended in saying yes anyway.

“Hungry?” Shikamaru didn’t quite smirk at him when he appeared moments later.

Naruto huffed, finishing off another bickie. “Well, not really, but your _mum_ , man.”

Shikamaru chuckled and swiped one for himself. “She can be troublesome.”

Uzumaki slapped his hands together suddenly and loudly. “So, so, come on. Tell me, ya bastard!”

Nara cocked a brow. “What?”

“Your ninja super power!” he leaned forward. “I get the feeling you’ve all got, like, unique abilities.”

“My super power,” Shikamaru joined Naruto at the kitchen table, “is that I’m super great at Shoji.”

Naruto huffed. “Come on, man. That’s not what I mean and you know it. Though I don’t deny that your smarts are kinda super human. What’s your ninja _technique_?”

“Shadows.”

“Really, really?” he leaned forward even further, almost upsetting the tray of biscuits in his enthusiasm. “That sounds super ninjary and assassiny!”

“I suppose,” Shikamaru crossed his arms, his posture slouchy and generally terrible but Naruto was used to it. “I can control shadows so I can control anything that has a shadow. People. Objects.”

“Whoa,” Naruto breathed, eyes wide. “That’s really cool!”

Shikamaru shrugged casually but a small tell-tale grin snuck out. “It’s handy in a battle.”

Naruto’s eyes narrowed mischievously. “Ha, y’know, I’m totally _unsurprised_ by the fact that you’ve pretty much got a lazy ability too.”

“Hmm?”

“Well what you’re saying is,” Naruto grinned, waving a finger at his friend accusingly, “you’ve got a lazy-ass ability that makes other things and people move instead of you, yeah?”

Nara blinked.

Naruto laughed. “Hell man, you hadn’t even realised it!”

Shikamaru chuckled lightly with another slow shrug. “Eh, it works for me. Anyway, I figure you aren’t here to be force-fed homemade baked goods.”

“Yeah, well I kinda wanted to see where I-” Naruto waved his hands around vaguely “-arrived. And I’m told you’re in charge of all this parallelly invisible doory business now.”

“If you’re asking for information I’ve got nothing of real note to tell you,” Shikamaru crossed his arms over the table, serious. “I’ve traced shinobi history and Konoha’s records back as far as I can and there’s no indication of something like this ever happening before.”

“Great, I’m a special and unique snowflake. Except not cos there’s two of us. What about where it happened?”

Shikamaru nodded, frowning. “I’ve checked out the site a few times too, even with an ANBU unit, but there’s nothing there. Though, judging by what Kakashi told me, you appeared in the same area I disappeared from two years ago, the rest of us right behind you.”

Naruto sucked in a breath, interested. “Well that _is_ pretty fucking coincidental right?”

“I’ll say. But that’s all that we’ve got to go on,” Shikamaru looked at him for a long moment. “Look Naruto, you _do_ know that the chance of you getting back to your world is basically non-existent?”

Naruto jerked his head to the side, avoiding his friend’s intense gaze. “I so know it, man. I just dunno how I feel about it. I mean, this place is way crazy. And dangerous. Crazily dangerous and dangerously crazy! But there’s not a lot going for me back in my own little slice of fucking paradise. I really dunno if being stuck here is good or bad. I only know I don’t have a choice and maybe that’s what makes me so damn uneasy about it all.”

“Well,” Shikamaru hesitated, clearly at a loss as well. “Well, what would you do?”

“What?”

“If the doorway suddenly appeared right now and you could go back home. What would you do?”

For some stupid reason, Naruto immediately thought of Sasuke. Well, _fuck_. He kind of knew what _that_ might mean but wasn’t keen on dwelling on it further.

“Shit,” Naruto scrubbed his hands across his face restlessly. “I don’t even fucking know, Nara. I have no idea.”

He shot his friend a small grin. “Plus you’re here, you bastard.”

Shikamaru slanted him a quick smile back but he shook his head. “You’ve got more friends than you realise back in your world.”

Naruto screwed up his face. “Acquaintances, Nara, I got a lotta acquaintances.”

His friend cocked a brow right back at him. “Hmm, and whose fault’s that then.”

Naruto didn’t have anything to say to that that didn’t centre around a kneejerk cuss, so he flipped Shikamaru off instead. He generally didn’t let people get too close, in his experience they tended to die and that was a huge fucking downer. Shikamaru was pretty much his first real friend since middle school, and he found it kind of interesting that he wasn’t even from his own damn world.

“What was it like for you then?” Naruto wondered suddenly, hopelessly curious. “You lived in my world for two years without breathing a damn word or letting your ninja skills slip out, man. You’ve obviously got friends and family and a life here, it musta been rough.”

“Yeah, of course,” Shikamaru wouldn’t meet his gaze directly. “But I figured you were important to the phenomenon for obvious reasons so originally I stayed close by the university grounds and you in the hope of returning somehow to Konoha. Clearly that never eventuated. I didn’t know exactly what happened, though I hypothesised.”

Naruto felt a stab of something he didn’t quite want to label as dawning nauseous understanding. _Of course_ Nara would’ve stuck close by him. He was in a strange world and Naruto was _familiar_. And likely the _key_ to get back home.

Shikamaru’s actions and line of thought were completely reasonable. It made sense, of course it fucking did, but that didn’t stop the sour flare of feeling a little bit used.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Shikamaru said sharply, suddenly sitting up straight, his palms flat on the table. “It was basically immediately obvious you weren’t the Naruto I knew. Anyone who spends half a minute in your company knows you and him aren’t one and the same. Not even close.”

“That’s what you all seem to be saying,” Naruto shrugged and ignored he was acting a little like a moody teenager. “But it’s damn hard to swallow that shit when we look near identical and have the same fucking name.”

“Sorry.”

“Dude, what even for?” Naruto wasn’t expecting that at all and looked up, his dumbfounded expression probably hilarious.

His friend’s gaze skittered away instantly. “I mean, yes, you were something grounding to latch onto in the beginning but…”

Shikamaru interrupted himself, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot. But you’re a good friend for a lot of reasons. You helped me out likely a lot more than you realise when I barely knew left from right. Konoha’s Naruto and I are more like… acquaintances, to use your terms.”

Naruto narrowed his eyes. “You’re saying… in a really roundabout way… you like me more than this other Naruto?”

“That’s _not_ what I said.”

“No, no,” Naruto amended easily, suddenly feeling much more chipper. “But it’s what you _meant_ in the nicest possible way.”

“Troublesome,” Shikamaru sighed but didn’t correct him, and Uzumaki decided that spoke volumes. “It’s not like we aren’t friends.”

“Don’t even worry, man! Your secret’s safe with me.”

“You _are_ more of an idiot though,” Nara added, but Naruto just poked out his tongue at his friend’s attempt to save face.

Shikamaru stood and nodded his head toward the door. “Well come on, Sakura’s waiting. Let’s go.”

Naruto jumped up, more anxious than he cared to admit about visiting the spot where he and Shikamaru both stumbled through an invisible door, but followed eagerly all the same.

“Sure! Man, how do you guys _know_ when other ninja are around? It’s kinda creepy to have that sort of built-in radar. You can’t even be sneaky!”

“Chakra. We can supress our personal chakra signature to remain undetected but it’s not necessary to do so within the village. There are a veritable ton of scrolls detailing all the answers you likely want at the library.”

“Ha, alrighty man, hint taken.”

Naruto couldn’t help but laugh at Shikamaru’s slightly more polite brush off than Sasuke’s, but still the same thing. He understood of course and didn’t mind being redirected, especially when there were more important concerns they needed to be focusing on. He could easily imagine how much he had no idea about this world and didn’t doubt it’d fill a library. With sudden clarity, he realised that’s probably what Shikamaru did to assimilate in to Naruto’s world. _Read_.

They met up with Sakura outside and Shikamaru filled her in on what he had learned. Pretty much nothing, Naruto thought, but there was, as far as they could tell, nothing much _to_ find.

“It would be worth trying the Sharingan or Byakugan,” Shikamaru said thoughtfully. “Perhaps they could reveal something in the clearing I haven’t been able to see.”

“Sharingan?” Naruto asked immediately, leaning forward. “That’s the kooky bastard’s swirly kaleidoscopey eye thingy right?”

“Yes?” Nara slanted a brow at the rearranged description of the Uchiha kekkei genkai. “You know about it?”

But Sakura was already shaking her head, frowning. “Not going to happen. There’s no way the Council would lift Sasuke’s seal, not while the seal on Kyuubi is unstable, and especially not for something they would more than likely judge unimportant. What about Kakashi-sensei?”

“Yes,” Shikamaru mirrored Sakura’s frown. “I thought about that but his Sharingan wouldn’t be enough.”

“Huh what,” Naruto interrupted, eyes wide with confusion. “Kakashi is your teacher, yeah? The porn-reading dude masquerading as a ninja pirate hybrid? He’s not related to Sasuke. Even I can see that. And Sasuke said he was the last of his clan.”

“No,” Sakura replied easily, but clearly didn’t know how to explain from there. “He’s, well…”

She looked to Shikamaru for help but he crossed his arms and stared back, obviously hitting the ball right fucking back in her court.

“Under his bandana, isn’t his own eye,” she tried. “He had the eye of an Uchiha transplanted, a friend of his…”

“He lost an eye? Dude!”

Sakura grimaced. “Uh, no. He replaced his own-”

“On _purpose_?!” Naruto stared at her when she nodded. “He has someone else’s fucking _eye_ in his fucking _head_? On _purpose_?!”

Sakura bit her lip, holding back a smile. “I suppose that about sums it up, yes.”

“Fajeezuz,” Naruto breathed, shaking his head. “Well, what about this bakugan thing then?”

“Byakugan,” Shikamaru corrected, far less obviously than Sasuke, “is the bloodline limit of the Hyuuga clan, similar to Sharingan in a few ways considering it’s possible they’re distantly related. It’s likely to be our best bet but I’m not holding my breath.”

“Neji’s out of the question, Team Gai are away on a B-rank still,” Sakura offered.

Nara nodded. “Hinata then.”

“Team Kurenai are probably at the training fields around this time of day.”

The three of them fell in to step easily, Sakura assuring Naruto the fields weren’t far before Shikamaru was quizzing her on any progress with extracting Kyuubi. Naruto listened carefully but it wasn’t anything she hadn’t told him already. The conversation carried them to the training fields and Naruto thought he was more than ready to handle most things Konoha continually threw at him.

He should’ve known better by now.

Sakura pointed out Team Kurenai as they drew nearer.

“The _fuck_!” Naruto whispered urgently, hanging back to maybe hide a little behind the other pair. “That dog is the size of a fucking _Clydesdale_!”

“Akamaru is harmless. Well,” Sakura amended quickly, “if you’re a friend of Kiba’s.”

Naruto didn’t get to have a good look at the new team straight away. Sakura called out a greeting and Akamaru barked. Loudly.

“What do ya mean ‘isn’t Uzumaki’?”

And then Naruto was flat on his back, a kunai at his throat with a guy invading his personal space sniffing his hair and then his arm pits. It was all kinds of not cool.

“Damn right, he smells all wrong. Who the fuck’re you because you’re sure as shit not Uzumaki!”

Naruto stared up at wild dark eyes above sharp blood-red tattoos and thought he was probably going to piss himself or die when Akamaru’s giant face was suddenly _there_ as well and massive teeth were far too close to his jugular.

The guy pretty much growled in Naruto’s face. “You aren’t nin.”

“No, he’s not,” Shikamaru answered instead, much more calmly than Naruto felt the situation warranted. “You’re protectiveness is sweet, Inuzuka, but not presently necessary.”

“Kiba!” Sakura didn’t quite yell but there was definitely something in her tone that made everyone sit up and listen. “Get off.”

Kiba yanked Naruto to his feet and dusted him off a little, but his kunai remained very visible.

“Fucking _fuck_ I think my life flashed before my eyes,” Naruto managed, and quickly situated himself between Sakura and Nara for self-preservation.

“Basically,” said Sakura, “this is Naruto. He’s not from here, he’s not a clone, he’s not a ninja and he’s stuck in Konoha. And if you hurt him, I’ll hurt _you_.”

“Kinky, Haruno,” Kiba grinned, showing off canines that were far sharper than what Naruto considered normal.

“You mean he is from a parallel dimension because he is Naruto but not the Naruto we know.”

Naruto looked at the new guy but couldn’t see anything under the sunglasses and massive jacket. He knew, though, that this guy freaked him the fuck out. And talked weird.

“Bingo,” Naruto found his voice quickly, as usual and despite the recent threat to his life. “I’d say it’s nice to meetcha but I very nearly pissed myself, and that isn’t real conducive to great first impressions.”

Kiba laughed loudly and his kunai finally disappeared. “Hey I like you man! Sorry for the jump but, you know, can’t be too careful. I’m Kiba and-” he waved at the weird guy “-this here’s Shino.”

“Hi,” Naruto offered but Shino only inclined his head once in what he supposed was to be construed as a nod.

“And this is Hinata,” Kiba added and a fucking _bombshell_ stepped out from behind the two guys.

“Hello,” she greeted with a small smile and cute blush and holy _shit_ , if Naruto wasn’t so into Sasuke’s stupid crazy ass he’d be pretty into Hinata.

He backpedalled his thoughts as quickly as he’d thought them because what the _fuck_ , and now wasn’t the time to be admitting things like _that_ even in the comfort and privacy of his own head.

But then he really _looked_ at her. At her practically white and seemingly pupil-less eyes, and kinda changed his mind about her level of hotness because that was fucking creepy. He couldn’t really tell where she was looking and that was unnerving.

Sakura interrupted Naruto’s rambling thoughts and cut straight to the point. “Hinata, can you spare a moment? Your Byakugan might be able to help us out with something.”

“Of course,” she smiled again and Naruto decided well fuck, no, she was still very bombshelly and nice and she was probably smart too because the whole damn package only existed in parallel universes that weren’t his own. “I’d be happy to help.”

“Thanks. It won’t take long,” Shikamaru added, “and we’ll explain on the way.”

“Y’all are taking this person from another world thing in your stride pretty easily,” Naruto wondered aloud at Team Kurenai’s lack of reaction beyond initially thinking he was some sort of imposter.

Kiba shrugged, leaning against Akamaru as he ruffled his fur. “We’ve seen a lot of shit. Another Naruto hanging around’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, I suppose I can imagine.”

Naruto rather liked Kiba, even if he looked a little more caniney than the average person. Actually he rather liked pretty much everyone he had met in Konoha, some more than others and others a whole lot less. But generally, yeah, the people were likeable and interesting.

It would kinda suck to leave, Naruto finally admitted to himself. But it was also fairly obvious that if he hung around much longer, someone or something would probably kill him, whether accidentally or on purpose wouldn’t matter so much since the outcome would be the same.

He valued his existence quite fucking highly thanks.

Hinata organised to meet back up with her teammates later and the four of them headed off toward Konoha’s main gate for the forest clearing, skirting around the main streets of the village for Naruto’s sake. Once Shikamaru and Sakura had finished bringing Hinata up to speed on what was going on, Naruto started quizzing them on the Byakugan.

“You said it was similar to Sasuke’s Sharingan?”

“Yeah, similar,” Shikamaru nodded easily as they walked. “Though Hyuuga are born with it while not all Uchiha awaken the Sharingan. There’s too much to tell about what Byakugan can do. What I’m interested in, however, is its 360 visibility range and ability to see through solid objects and barriers. And to perceive chakra, seals and genjutsu.”

“Fuhjeezuz,” Naruto darted an impressed glance at Hinata. “Some of that went over my head but I get the feeling this eye biz is damn powerful.”

“If there _is_ anything in that clearing that could explain my disappearance and your arrival, Hinata should be able to see it.”

“I’ll do my best,” she assured them.

Once they were past the main gate and strayed from the main road, the forest grew thick quickly before opening up in to a small clearing. Shikamaru stopped them in the middle of it.

“This is it,” he said, and looked to Naruto for confirmation.

Naruto shrugged helplessly. “Look I dunno man. All the forest kinda looks samey. And hell, I was bleeding and freaked and disorientated. If this is where Kakashi said I rocked up then I guess it’s where I rocked up.”

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, it is. Though we only stopped here so I could pick some herbs to help restock the hospital’s supply. Sasuke was over there when he just… vanished.”

Shikamaru frowned, staring where Sakura was pointing. “It’s difficult to remember after two years but I’m sure it was near that tree for me too.”

“It’s where you all reappeared a few days ago as well,” Sakura shook her head. “It was so weird seeing you all just pop out of thin air one after the other.”

“Do you think there might be an invisible gateway between the two worlds here?” Hinata asked, curious.

“While it may seem unbelievable,” Shikamaru hesitated for a moment, “yes, I think so. There are too many coincidences centring on this one clearing.”

“Wait, wait,” Naruto wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box but a sparking thought was trying real hard to flesh out to become an epiphany. “If there’s pretty much a permanent doorway here, then there’s a goddamn key. Right?”

“Yeah,” Nara agreed, “and it’s probably you. But it still seems the doorway is only susceptible to being unlocked, so to speak, sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Naruto echoed. “And randomly at that.”

“I wonder what makes it open then?” Sakura mused, staring hard at the ground in thought. “Why did it open for you Shikamaru? Why open for Sasuke?”

Shikamaru nodded slowly. “Yes, perhaps it’s not entirely random. Maybe there were reasons.”

“What the fuck?” Naruto snorted, unconvinced. “You mean like fate? _Destiny_? That crap’s total BS, man.”

His friend chuckled. “No. I just mean maybe, at the exact times Sasuke and I have been here, you opened the door without knowing because you needed something, or something in you unlocked it.”

Naruto laughed outright then. “Yeah man, I needed you to nearly break my nose like I needed Sasuke to creep me the fuck out in the middle of the night and throw kunai at me.”

“Maybe you needed a friend.”

That shut Naruto up right quick and he stared at Shikamaru, mouth slack. He had shit all to say to that because hell, it was disturbingly true.

After a long moment he looked away. “That doesn’t really explain Sasuke.”

“Sasuke,” said Sakura softly, “needed a friend.”

“That,” Naruto shot back sharply, “sounds like destiny BS and I’m not down with that.”

“Have you got a better explanation?”

Naruto jerked his shoulders. He was feeling prickly and uneasy and like he was only just managing to tread water.

“Well, no,” he hedged, crossing his arms defensively.

“Um,” Hinata, interrupted rather bravely. “Would you like me to inspect the area now?”

Shikamaru nodded. “Please, Hinata.”

Despite his trepidation, Naruto watched her with open fascination as she focused and prepared, startling him when she almost yelled.

“ _Byakugan_!”

Hinata was suddenly intense, and very much serious business if the bulging veins popping out around her eyes were anything to go by. She didn’t move. Didn’t need to, Naruto figured, if she had 360 vision. But after several long, silent minutes ticked by, Hinata relaxed and shook her head.

“I’m sorry but I can’t discern anything out of the ordinary,” she said softly, apologetic. “If there is a doorway here, it isn’t constructed from chakra or shinobi means.”

Naruto found it ridiculously anticlimactic after they had been debating for ages that there was indeed an invisible gateway in the vicinity. Shikamaru, however, didn’t seem surprised nor disappointed.

“You expected that,” Naruto would’ve framed it as a question if the answer wasn’t so obvious.

“Ah I thought it would be a long shot, but every avenue is worth trying,” he explained reasonably. “But if you’re the key and you aren’t a ninja, then it makes sense that the gateway isn’t activated by nor made of chakra.”

 Sakura agreed. “The door is still here.”

“Yes. It’s practically an impossibility for us to have _coincidentally_ arrived and departed from the exact same location. I think the key to opening it is need. Or emotion,” Shikamaru added, deep in thought. “Perhaps a combination.”

“That seems plausible,” Sakura turned to Hinata. “Sorry we dragged you out here.”

She dipped her head as a blush coloured her cheeks. “It was no trouble. I wish I could’ve been of more help though.”

“No you were a great help,” Shikamaru disagreed sincerely. “We’re on the right track now. I should head back and think about this a bit more though.”

“Thank you. I’ll walk with you, Shikamaru,” Hinata smiled and clasped her hands. “I’d like to catch up with Shino and Kiba before they leave the training grounds. All the best in getting back home, Naruto.”

“Ah,” Naruto said, taken off guard by Hinata’s general sweetness. “Thank you again.”

Shikamaru waved over his shoulder. “I’ll let you know if I come up with anything else.”

When the pair were out of earshot Naruto turned to Sakura. “I feel that this was both a waste of time and a huge fucking leap forward.”

She laughed shortly, leading the way back to Konoha’s main gate. “Yeah. We’ve basically spent all day traipsing across the village to learn that your invisible door will probably open if you need it enough.”

Naruto thought it kind of sounded like the moral of a corny Disney movie. That if he wished hard enough, it would happen. Maybe he just needed to click his heels together three times and think ‘there’s no place like home’.

“Yeah, can we head back to the compound?”

Naruto was over walking around, getting jumped with kunai and feeling like nothing was within his control.

Sakura glanced over her shoulder at him. “Of course. Sasuke should be back by now.”

They returned to the Uchiha compound in companionable silence, which Naruto was thankful for. A bit of peace after the day’s events was damn welcome.

Sakura paused at the entrance of the compound, shooting Naruto a wry grin. “You should be right from here.”

He quirked a brow at her, amused.

She laughed outright, unabashed. “I need to go see Hokage-sama anyway for an update on any progress they made today.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-” Naruto cut himself off when Sakura suddenly swivelled to stare down the main path into the compound. “What?”

“Tsunade-sama is at Sasuke’s.”

Naruto didn’t bother feeling amazed at the fact that she knew that and grinned instead. “No getting out of the delightful compound stroll for you.”

“Ha, I guess not. I don’t think the Hokage has ever visited before.”

“Can’t hardly blame her!”

Sakura bit her lip, holding back a smile. “No.”

As they drew closer to Sasuke’s, however, it was damn clear Tsunade’s first visit to the compound wasn’t going entirely well. And had obviously become very tense very quickly. Hell, she hadn’t even made it inside.

“It’s falling apart, Sasuke,” Tsunade was saying, clearly holding on to the last of her professional tone. “This place is a death trap.”

Naruto could’ve told her that was pretty much the stupidest thing she could possibly say to Sasuke, but her expression was instantly apologetic as she realised the bluntness of her words.

“I mean-” she said after a quick breath, but Sasuke interrupted her.

“I _know_ what you mean,” he shot back sharply, arms crossed stiffly. “No one lives here but me. I don’t see a problem.”

Naruto _knew_ they had to know he and Sakura were there, watching the exchange with awkward fascination, but neither of them acknowledged their presence.

“-the compound is dilapidated and unliveable,” Tsunade continued evenly, smoothly ignoring the interruption. “It’s a safety hazard to the village and you know as well as I that it needs to be demolished.”

“No!” Sasuke unwound like a spring but seemed to remember himself just as quickly and crossed his arms again tightly, his panic palpable. “No, you can’t _do_ that.”

Tsunade’s tone gentled, which made her next words difficult to initially understand. “I understand you’re upset but this isn’t a negotiation. I had no idea the compound was this derelict. You know I can’t allow this and I _will_ be putting the order in.”

Naruto expected Sasuke to yell or lash out, but the poor bastard just stared at the Hokage.

“This is all I’ve got, Tsunade. I live here.”

Wow, Naruto thought, Sasuke’s life sucked bigtime and the guy just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

“I’m sorry,” she avoided Sasuke’s stare and turned to Sakura. “We’ve got the foundations of a way forward in regard to extraction. I need to go over the details with you.”

“O-of course,” Sakura darted a wide-eyed glance to Naruto before leaving with Tsunade.

Naruto understood well enough. Deal with the fallout of the bomb Tsunade just levelled Sasuke’s life with.

He tried hard not to consider that Sasuke would be by himself in this moment if Naruto hadn’t stumbled in to Konoha, but that just lead him to wonder if this was the moment when the cactus couldn’t suffer silently anymore and finally toppled.

Well fuck that, Naruto told himself, and looked at Sasuke’s shuttered expression as he stood on his doorstep, staring at nothing.

Fuck that, he repeated. If no one else was going to water the fucking stupid cactus then he bloody well would. Hell, he was happy to.

“Cuppa tea?” he asked, opening the front door and waiting for Sasuke.

Sasuke turned to face him blankly. “Tea?”

“Yeah. It’s usually what people offer you when the bottom falls out of your world,” Naruto lifted a shoulder, cocking his head to the side in thought. “Can’t say I’m real sure why or how it helps, but it does.”

Sasuke’s expression relaxed minutely and his eyes didn’t seem so dark anymore. “Yeah. Green tea. I think I need a splash of sake in it today.”

Naruto poked his tongue out and grimaced before he could stop himself. “That sounds fucking _disgusting_ , you crazy bastard.”

Sasuke’s quiet short huff of a reluctant laugh followed him through the front door, and Naruto couldn’t help but feel a-okay with the universe throwing him ass over face in to this crazy village.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RealWorld!Naruto/NinjaWorld!Sasuke. Naruto still couldn’t believe Sasuke had stayed on as a kid. That at an age when Naruto’s gran tucked him in and read him bedtime stories, Uchiha was scrubbing his dead parents’ blood out of the tatami mats in the main room and living alone in a compound full of the ghosts of his relatives. That Sasuke had only killed two people for, Naruto decided, in the grand scheme of things generally pretty okay reasons as far as offing people went, was rather amazing. That he was a bit messed up and not certifiable was beyond astonishing. Konoha was strong and independent, Naruto thought, but hell they needed to pay more attention to what kept people happy, healthy and generally functioning like normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Narutopedia, it’s been a while since I needed you but you were damn helpful. Also, artistic license is nice. Also, plot. Also, I had to update because gorgeous reviewers were making me feel really terrible about my updating, or lack thereof :P

**_LiK: Chapter 10_ **

Naruto taste tested the tea out of morbid curiosity before passing it to Sasuke, his face screwing up. “Yeah, that’s gross. Never really acquired a taste for sake.”

Sasuke didn’t seem to hear him and sipped at the spiked tea, staring down at a point on the table Naruto was pretty sure wasn’t all that fascinating. The time it took to make green tea and then thoroughly ruin it with sake was all the time Uchiha needed to withdraw again. Not that Naruto could blame him. The bomb Tsunade threw at him was very nearly atomic and he wasn’t quite sure how to broach disarming it.

He understood where the Hokage lady was coming from though considering a few of the houses looked as though they might cave in if Naruto even breathed near them. If the compound meant so much to the crazy bastard, he wondered, why’d he let it fall in to such disrepair?

He sat opposite Sasuke at the low table, sitting cross-legged so it was easier to slouch forward and watch the other teen over the rim of his own tea, thinking. Sasuke had said he’d been nothing but a snot-nosed kid when his brother went all serial killer crazy on their clan so it wasn’t like he was in a position to maintain a whole compound at that age. And then it sounded as though he’d left Konoha for a while, maybe years.

Wouldn’t the responsibility of fixing the place have been palmed off to Tsunade somehow then, Naruto mused, or whoever was in charge all those years ago. Though he kinda got the feeling the massacre was something everyone but Sasuke tried to forget. Just avoid the blood-stained chunk of land, pretend it wasn’t there, walk around it because people sure as shit weren’t going to walk through it.

Naruto still couldn’t believe Sasuke had stayed on as a kid. That at an age when Naruto’s gran tucked him in and read him bedtime stories, Uchiha was scrubbing his dead parents’ blood out of the tatami mats in the main room and living alone in a compound full of the ghosts of his relatives.

That Sasuke had _only_ killed two people for, Naruto decided, in the grand scheme of things generally pretty okay reasons as far as offing people went, was rather amazing. That he was a bit fucked up and not certifiable was beyond astonishing. Konoha was strong and independent, Naruto thought, but fucking hell they needed to pay more attention to the shit that kept people happy, healthy and generally functioning like normal.

He startled a little and focused properly when Sasuke’s low voice pierced the silence.

“Thanks,” he said, not looking up from his cup. “For the tea.”

Naruto waved a hand immediately, shaking his head. “Nah, man, wish I could do more, you know?”

Sasuke nodded once but said nothing further, so Naruto thought it best to steer clear of Tsunade’s demolition order for the moment.

“So,” he hesitated, not wanting to be that douchebag who talked about himself but figuring Sasuke might care for an update on it. “I checked out the forest clearing with Sakura and Shikamaru, ya know, where we all disappeared, reappeared, whatever.”

“Anything new?” Sasuke asked, looking up to watch Naruto closely, clearly more than fine with the topic change.

“Yeah, sort of. This girl Hinata came with and she used her eye power thingy,” Naruto explained, “but that was basically a waste of time.”

“Byakugan revealed nothing?”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. But Shikamaru reckoned that made sense. He thinks if I pretty much need it enough, or feel enough, the door will go on and swing wide open.”

"Feel?” Sasuke frowned, tilting his head to the side as he mulled it over. “You mean in terms of emotion? _That_ will open your invisible door?”

Naruto shrugged. “Fucked if I know for sure but that seemed the gist of it. Strong need or emotion.”

“If that’s the case then I’d imagine it would’ve opened for you by now. I’m sure there’s been _plenty_ of times when you’ve wanted to get the hell out of Konoha.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said slowly, thinking over the past few days, “but not a _real_ powerful or intense want. Like, not even when Kiba jumped me with a damn kunai.”

“ _Pardon_?” Sasuke asked instantly, his gaze sharp. “Inuzuka did _what_? Today? Weren’t you with Sakura and Shikamaru?”

“Ah, yeah. But him and his _huge_ fucking dog must have a super keen sense of smell or something,” he felt a lot like he was dobbing Kiba in, and tried to sound casual, but Sasuke’s concern was embarrassingly warming and felt _nice_. “He knew straight away that I wasn’t, you know, Konoha’s Uzumaki. It wasn’t a _big_ deal.”

“ _Hmmm_.”

Sasuke could fucking _tell_ he was skimming off bits of the truth, Naruto _knew_ , but thankfully let it mostly slide.

“I thought you’d be fine with them,” Sasuke said, frowning.

So did I, Naruto thought immediately but pushed _that_ to the side fast. It was more than unfair to think he’d be safe 24/7 in such a dangerous place. And it was fucking _ridiculous_ how _fast_ ninja moved.

“It was no biggie,” he reassured Sasuke instead, grinning a little. “Sakura’s got this amazing ‘don’t fuck with me’ tone. It’s super effective.”

Sasuke huffed at that, amused. “Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I think she may have learned more than ninjutsu from Tsunade.”

At the reminder of the Hokage, Sasuke visibly tensed and dropped his gaze to his cup once more. Naruto sighed inwardly, right fucking back where they started, but he wasn’t keen on giving up so easily this time.

“How’d your meet go with her and, uh, Uzumaki?” he asked after a long moment, sticking to the topic of the Hokage at least. “When she left with Sakura she said something about having an idea? For taking out the Killer Demon Fox thing?”

“ _More_ than an idea,” Sasuke said, and glanced up again. “I’m sure it will _work_.”

“ _What_?” Naruto leaned forward, restless with curiosity and excitement. “For _real_?”

“We know that extracting a demon causes death in the jinchuriki,” Sasuke explained, unknowingly fidgeting with his tea cup, “and we know it _is_ possible for a jinchuriki to be revived from that death.”

“Jinchuwhat? So, this sort of shit has happened before?”

“Someone who has a tailed demon sealed within them,” Sasuke clarified, surprisingly patiently. “Yes, Gaara, a shinobi from Sand. But he was revived with a technique that killed the nin who performed it, and the secrets of that technique died with her.”

“ _Damn_ ,” Naruto breathed, eyes wide. “That’s one hell of a trade-off in any case. I sure hope Tsunade has a less fatal plan?”

“Well,” Sasuke pushed his cup to the side and clasped his fingers in that practiced way Naruto remembered from his dorm, obviously pleased with the progress. “I’ve seen inside the seal with Sharingan. It’s in the form of a cage. When a host dies the demon is weakened as well, so in that state it’ll be easy to control it while Tsunade removes the cage and I can pull the fox out.”

“So then Rampaging Killer Demon is _out_ and _loose_?” Naruto asked, uncertain. “And Uzumaki is _dead_ while this is all going down?”

“Essentially, yes,” Sasuke nodded, continuing, “but Kyuubi will be restrained under my control. Once the fox is free of the weakened seal, it can then be resealed.”

“ _Re_ sealed?” Naruto frowned, confused. “Why not kill it while you’ve got the chance?”

Sasuke was already shaking his head. “Of course we thought about that but it’s far too risky. Kyuubi is powerful, and self-preservation could be enough to break from my will and fight back. If that happened, well… I wouldn’t be able to regain control.”

“And Rampaging Killer Demon becomes _Free_ Rampaging Killer Demon,” Naruto realised, eyes wide. “Fuck man, this is only possible because of _you_. I sure hope you realise that, you crazy bastard.”

“Yeah. I know,” Sasuke’s face was mostly hidden behind his bangs and hands, but he stared at Naruto for a long moment, before his gaze flicked away. “No pressure, right.”

“Ha, none at all. Okay,” Naruto ticked off on his fingers what he understood so far. “So Tsunade breaks the seal for good, you control the fox in the meantime, then what?”

“That will deplete Tsunade’s chakra, so Kakashi will immediately perform the fuinjutsu to seal Kyuubi within a prepared scroll.”

Naruto braced himself against the table and leaned so far forward he was almost bent double. “The _fuck_? Y’all are gonna put something that can destroy the _world_ in a scrap of _paper_? Fold it up, shove it in a damn envelope and mail it to the ends of the earth?”

“Well,” Sasuke said quite seriously, folding his arms over the table, “I was more thinking of burning the shit out of it with a well-aimed fireball, but Kakashi said the fuinjutsu required to contain Kyuubi will be so strong that it’ll render the scroll basically indestructible.”

“Dude,” Naruto grinned but sobered quickly. “So what’s the plan then?”

Sasuke shrugged slightly. “We do what we can. The Hokage will have the scroll locked away and protected, the less who know about it and where the better, and pass the duty of guarding it to the next Hokage, and so on.”

“Which,” Naruto mused aloud, “is Uzumaki anyway, so that won’t be a prob.”

“Exactly. Hopefully we’ll work out something better along the way.”

“Maybe I’m missing something,” Naruto leaned back again, “but that only covers the whole extraction side of things. What about the part where the host is supposed to be pretty damn _dead_ for this biz?”

“Yes, well, it’s far easier to take life than to give it or return it,” Sasuke admitted. “We’re… still working on that bit. The shock of removing Kyuubi, however _gently_ I suppose you could say, _will_ stop Uzumaki’s heart. Tsunade and Sakura are probably discussing medical avenues.”

“But,” Naruto frowned, remembering something Sakura had said on the way to Shikamaru’s, “you guys _do_ have ways of reviving ninja, right?”

“Revival ninjutsu is forbidden, not that that fact would honestly stop us,” Sasuke added a little wryly, “but it’s forbidden because it’s usually performed at great cost. A skilled medic-nin can restore _strong_ shinobi under _regulated_ conditions but, as I’m sure you can appreciate, that’s usually not the case when a nin requires that sort of attention.”

“So you’re saying… what, exactly?”

Sasuke sighed, mirroring Naruto’s frown. “Tsunade is the best medic-nin in our world, and she still hasn’t found anything suitable. No herb, plant or poison that will do what we need and certainly no ninjutsu that won’t permanently damage Uzumaki or the user. In any case, her chakra will be completely drained by the extraction so it would fall to Sakura to perform any medical ninjutsu. I’m sure you can imagine that Uzumaki is _quite_ vocally opposed to Sakura using any technique that could hurt her.”

Sasuke cocked a brow, but obviously agreed on the matter with his teammate.

"No doubt,” Naruto understood completely. “So pretty much you guys are ready to yank the fox the fuck out, just as soon as you work out how to _undeadify_ Uzumaki once you’ve done it?”

Sasuke paused before nodding slowly. “Yes. I suppose that’s true. The seal is weakening, so sooner rather than later would be best before we don’t get a choice in the matter.”

And Naruto knew that ‘not having a choice in the matter’ would mean this world’s Uzumaki stayed very much dead.

Still, The Plan was quite sound, he decided, for such an unstable situation that could take a turn for the worst at pretty much any moment. While the risk to the life of Naruto’s lookalike was quite unpleasantly high, it was comforting to know that at least the _world_ would be saved.

Now that everything else had been talked about though, Naruto was back to thinking about Tsunade’s tense visit to the Uchiha Compound. He had no idea how to start and decided fuck it, opened his mouth and hoped for the best.

“How’d the compound get so rundown?” it sounded horribly tactless even to his own ears and Naruto quickly continued. “I mean, your house is in top nick but the rest are…”

He floundered, figuring he had been unintentionally insulting enough as it was about such a delicate subject but Sasuke folded his arms over the table and slouched, nodding slightly.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he started, voice low and eyes shielded behind his bangs. “Years ago, after the funerals the Third Hokage visited at least once a week. He was kind but I refused to move out of the compound. I was stubborn, and being there kept me angry.”

Sasuke’s dark gaze cut through to lock on Naruto for a moment. “I wanted to be angry. It kept me focused on getting strong and avenging my family.”

“But you never accepted his help?”

Sasuke shook his head with a self-depreciating chuckle that evaporated almost as quickly as it began. “Ha, I was too proud and thought I knew best. He couldn’t get me to move but I couldn’t stop him from helping me clean up this house. I never-”

Sasuke took a breath. “I never thanked him for it.”

Naruto was relieved beyond words to learn that Sasuke hadn’t been entirely alone. “I’m sure he knew.”

“In any case, until I left the village at about thirteen the compound was really just a base. I spent as little time as possible here. If I wasn’t at the academy or with Team 7, I was at the library or training by myself.”

“So…” Naruto hesitated. “So why do you still live here?”

Uchiha stared at him so intently that Naruto realised with sudden clarity that holy shit his eyes were warm ebony not cold coal. He instantly wondered when it became okay to wax poetic like that in his own head and shoved the thought the fuck away when Sasuke spoke again.

“This is my _home_ ,” colour flushed across his cheeks at the admission but he didn’t look away. “I have happy memories here, under the bloodstained ones.”

“Why don’t we fix the compound then?”

It was out of Naruto’s mouth before the idea had properly discussed the matter with his brain.

“Fix it?” Sasuke repeated faintly, eyes wide.

“Yes!” Naruto decided, eyes as wide as Sasuke’s with quickly growing enthusiasm. “Why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do, and repairing the damage would make the compound space more useful to the village than just fucking levelling it to the ground right?”

Sasuke was clearly on board for a moment before he shook his head and leaned back. “One person working on this? It’s a huge job and no one else can help. Team Kakashi has to focus on the demon extraction and I wouldn’t ask anyone else to do this.”

Naruto shrugged, unconcerned. “I’ll do it myself, man. I DIYed around Gran’s all the time. It’ll keep me busy and out of the way while you guys sort out the killer demon issue right?”

Sasuke hadn’t bothered to stop shaking his head. “You’re obviously forgetting about your custodial conditions and the fact that there’s no way in hell it’s okay for you to be meandering about by yourself.”

“ _Meandering_? I’m not a fucking old man,” Naruto chuckled, but another thought hit him immediately. “Wait, wait, what about that thing that Konoha’s Uzumaki does? That jizzy of his!”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times-” Sasuke automatically started to correct his constant mispronunciation but Naruto didn’t let him finish.

“The _clone_ jizzy thing!”

The silence that followed Naruto’s outburst seemed loud, but he watched with smug satisfaction as Uchiha’s expression slowly changed as it dawned on him exactly what Uzumaki was saying.

“Holy shit,” Sasuke said finally, a tiny smile edging away the anxiety of losing his clan home. “You’re a fucking genius.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We aren’t in a good position. Our forces are scattered, dealing with the aftermath of the attacks, and some of our best shinobi are somewhat indisposed.” The way Nara stressed his last comment sent Naruto’s hair prickling up against his skin. Kakashi had said his team was probably the village’s best, and Konoha’s Uzumaki was the next big deal after Tsunade… He wasn’t an idiot. Team Kakashi was, if he read between the lines, indisposed. He could think of only one reason that might be. And Sasuke himself had said if Uzumaki wasn’t fighting then the seal was busted. “The shit,” Naruto said, “has hit the proverbial fan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not entirely sure why I thought it would be a good idea to 1) have a go at a multi-chaptered fic after failing horribly twice before and 2) write something so firmly rooted in plot. How people write multi-chaptered ficcage with chapters longer than my fic put together blows my mind. There are two things keeping me going: quiet determination and the rockin’ people who are both putting up with me and / or encouraging me!

**_LiK: Chapter 11_ **

Convincing Konoha’s Uzumaki to help, and Tsunade on the merits of the compound restoration, would be a piece of cake. The only hurdle, Naruto decided, was in fact Sasuke.

Sasuke had to be the one to ask.

Naruto was more than happy to do the hard work, but he knew when to step back when a fight wasn’t his. He couldn’t imagine the crazy bastard had asked for much, if anything, in his life and figured this was something like Sakura standing on the compound doorstep.

It was damn fragile and far too significant.

“I think it would be best to talk to Uzumaki first,” Sasuke was the first to break the silence the next morning over, Naruto thought, a far too early breakfast.

Naruto agreed easily, interrupting himself with a wide yawn. “Definitely. Having him onside, even there when you pitch to Tsunade, would speak volumes.”

Sasuke nodded slowly, stirring his tea absently. “Sakura’s likely already told him of the Hokage’s visit.”

“Fo’sure,” Naruto shrugged. “But that works for you.”

“How so?”

Naruto didn’t want to point out that there was no way in hell Sakura missed Sasuke’s expression when Tsunade levelled his world with a few words. His devastation would’ve been visible from goddamn outer space. Sakura was without a doubt a valuable and renewed Sasuke Supporter, but Naruto figured Uchiha was far too emotionally retarded to realise. In any case, he knew Sakura’s recount to Konoha’s Uzumaki about what happened would’ve been tinged with feeling.

He’d be more than ready to help. All Sasuke had to do was ask.

“It means he already knows what’s going down,” Naruto said instead.

Sasuke frowned. “I see no reason why he’d help though.”

“I see no reason why he _wouldn’t_.”

“Perhaps the couple of times I tried to kill him might influence him in some way?”

Oh yeah, Naruto thought, there was _that_. But based on everything he had learned about it, Sasuke was desperate, angry and under some creepo’s influence at the time. And a little bit crazy in general but, Naruto figured, a fucked up childhood can do that to a person.

And hell, Konoha’s Uzumaki was damn well capable of looking after himself if Sasuke _couldn’t_ kill him.

“Not relevant,” Naruto waved away Sasuke’s words airily. “Think about how much this makes sense for everyone, including the village. While the whole thing’s happening, I’m outta the way and supervised as per my _custodial conditions,_ and busy and paying you back and not going fucking stir crazy and-”

“Yes,” Sasuke interrupted him as he’d expected, smile faint but very much visible. “The benefits for you are obvious.”

Naruto grinned and continued. “It means your entire team is free to work on the whole Uzumaki Not Dying When Killer Demon Does issue, which is super fucking important. And of course when your compound is back up to scratch Tsunade won’t have any reason to wear her bitch pants right, since all she was up in arms about was that it’s run down and, uh, a tad unsafe.”

Sasuke didn’t say anything.

“Look man,” he tried again. “The only reason either of them will tell ya to fuck off is if they’re total assholes, and we both know they aren’t. There’s a crapton of reasons to give it the okay and pretty much zero to not. Only thing holding you back is _you_.”

“Hm,” Sasuke shot him a knowing glare before his gaze flicked away. “I know. I just…”

Sometimes, Naruto thought, Sasuke was so transparent it was ridiculously crazy no one really understood him.

“You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking. YOLO, am I right?”

Sasuke cocked a brow. “Yolo?”

“Er, you only live once? Damn awful acronym that I now regret introducing you to let alone even saying?”

Sasuke stared at him. “You only die once too. Generally.”

“Yeah,” Naruto nodded thoughtfully, “but YODO just doesn’t have the same ring to it, ya know? And most people don’t understand when you say Carpe Diem. But shut up man, you _know_ what I’m trying to say.”

Sasuke pushed away his tea and stood, Naruto following suit. “You’re coming?”

Naruto wasn’t sure if it was a question or not, and in all honesty hadn’t considered whether he should go with Sasuke for this.

“What, you need me to hold your hand all the way there, Sasuke?” he said without thinking.

He meant it as a jokey dig, but it didn’t come out that way exactly. Sasuke noticed and smirked faintly.

“Maybe not all the way,” he said, his tone so close to teasing that Naruto felt his cheeks heat. “Please come.”

Uzumaki couldn’t find any real reason to refuse when Sasuke asked for anything, especially so fucking nicely. No way he planned on letting the kooky Uchiha become privy to _that_ info.

They didn’t hold hands at all the entire walk to Uzumaki’s, a fact that Naruto was so ridiculously conscious of it was embarrassing. They didn’t speak either, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. Naruto figured the crazy bastard was mentally working out how to ask Konoha’s Uzumaki for a favour. Naruto wasn’t worried. If Sasuke asked, Uzumaki would help. It was a no-brainer.

Sakura answered their knock, not quite able to stifle her surprise or concern considering.

“Morning Sakura,” Sasuke didn’t mince words. “Is Uzumaki around?”

Sakura waved Sasuke in, vaguely gesturing inside somewhere but blocked Naruto’s entry with the door and a questioning stare.

“Is he okay?” she darted a glance over her shoulder, softening her voice. “I was worried.”

“A shrink would make a goddamn living off of Sasuke and would probably never stamp the word ‘okay’ on that guy’s forehead, but-” Naruto grinned, as excited as he was when the thought first struck “-we have a freaking awesome idea.”

As Naruto expected his lookalike was on board without hesitation and, with his influential support behind Sasuke, convincing the Hokage was in the bag.

Hours later the four of them were crammed together around Uchiha’s low dining table, a slightly yellowed and aged blueprint of the Uchiha Compound rolled out across the surface.

Sasuke pointed to a handful of houses across the map. “I’ve been considering this carefully after talking with Tsunade about what to do and how the village could best use the compound, and think these abodes are too far gone to rebuild.”

“We’ll use the salvaged materials to repair the other houses and prepare the cleared space for agricultural and community land,” he continued.

Sakura and Konoha’s Uzumaki agreed, nodding easily and listening intently as Uchiha traced the outline of the compound, talking about knocking down the walls but Naruto was struggling to listen. Something special had happened to Sasuke and it made it fucking difficult for Naruto to look away or focus particularly well. He was goddamn radiant.

What the fuck, Naruto wondered, did that even mean. And yet it fit because he had no other way of explaining the small tweaks to Sasuke. The way he sat a little straighter, his dark eyes brighter, his voice a touch more animated, his hands moving as he spoke, the ghost of a smile as he looked to Naruto.

“Well?” Uchiha said again, brow furrowing when Naruto didn’t say anything when clearly he was supposed to have. “What do you think?”

Naruto had nothing to say on the matter, in all honesty. Sasuke was in control of something that meant something to him, was important, had a purpose, and he was all glowy about it. Naruto cared about the compound in so much as it impacted on Sasuke, and if whatever Uchiha had planned had been responsible for making him so freaking shiny, then Naruto didn’t give a flying fuck about the details. He’d watered the cactus and it was looking freaking vibrant.

Naruto grinned. “When do we start?”

Turned out almost immediately. That evening they worked out the logistics of making sure Naruto’s custodial conditions were covered to Sasuke’s satisfaction and the next morning it was thrown into practice.

“Oi, Naruto.”

Naruto paused in the process of pulling up a rotted tile and poked his head over the edge of the roof to see Sasuke.

“It’s a little weird that in this sea of Uzumaki, you have no problem finding me,” he wiped the sweat from his brow as he grinned.

Uchiha shook his head, glancing briefly at the dozen or so clones working on the same house. “I’ve told you already. Even ignoring your chakra signature, you’re nothing alike.”

Naruto suspected he wasn’t going to get tired of hearing that from Sasuke, but poked his tongue out anyway.

“Oh yeah,” he said loudly, trying hard to hide his grin. “Forgot I was fucking _heavier_.”

Sasuke’s smile was wide but brief. “We’ll be at the Hokage Tower. A clone will dispel itself every hour to keep us informed. Send a message to me with a clone if you need to, right?”

“Sure thing. Have a nice day at work, _honey_!” he singsonged with a cheeky salute, and felt most gratified by a loud chorus of Uzumakis chuckling around him and Sasuke flipping him the bird before disappearing.

It was a strange feeling being one of literally dozens of Narutos spread across the Uchiha Compound. It was an odd sensation of being alone in a crowd. The clones didn’t talk aside from giving and taking instructions, a few whistling. What would they have to chat about anyway, Uzumaki figured as he turned his attention back to ripping up roof tiles. It’d be like his lookalike was talking to himself, and that was pretty damn crazy.

It wasn’t long before he struck upon the great idea of quizzing the closest clones, asking the questions that Sasuke and Shikamaru had brushed off. Konoha’s Uzumaki was full of interesting info and was enthusiastic about giving it. It sure as shit beat heading to the library and made the labour-intensive work pass by pleasantly.

Naruto was satisfied with the new routine over the next few days. He felt useful and less of a hindrance. And it was more fun than he cared to admit to try to fool Sasuke each morning. It didn’t matter what he did, that kooky bastard knew which Uzumaki was him without hesitation. He’d tried getting all of the clones to muffle their chakra, dress the same, drew the telltale whisker marks across his cheeks like war paint.

But the guy always fucking _knew_.

It was most pleasing.

This morning Naruto tried a different approach and asked the clones to henge (he was ridiculously proud of his growing nin knowledge and busted it out any chance he got) to hide their whisker scars.

He was squatted down with a huddle of other Narutos, measuring cuts of timber, when Sasuke tapped him on the shoulder.

“Wrong one,” he said, just to see if it would work, brushing himself off as he stood.

Sasuke cocked a brow. “Hm, nice try.”

“I seriously don’t get it! How do you _know_?”

The kooky bastard just smirked.

Naruto puffed out a mouthful of air in false exasperation, then leaned in slyly. “It’s my great arse isn’t it.”

Sasuke blinked, flushed faintly, then leaned in slightly with a ghost of his smirk. “It does rather give you away.”

They shared the same breath for the barest moment, until a clone interrupted them with an awkward clearing of his throat as he stepped around them to carry on with his own set tasks, looking back at them with slowly dawning understanding.

Sasuke had leapt backward a step almost comically, his arms crossed tightly and his gaze not quite meeting Naruto’s. Uzumaki felt his own cheeks flaming at being caught having a grand flirt. He knew how the jutsu worked and was acutely aware the next time a clone dispelled, his lookalike would be fully informed of what had just transpired. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about that, but figured it high fucking time he did something about how much he was digging the kooky bastard anyway.

“Hey, listen, Sasuke,” Naruto eventually managed, but that was as far as he got because several things happened in quick succession.

Without warning there was the repeated echoing sound of every single clone popping out of existence. Naruto stared at the clearing swirls of cloud where dozens of Uzumakis had been, unsure.

“Why…?” Uchiha murmured, eyes wide.

“So,” Naruto began, highly fucking alarmed, ‘that wasn’t supposed to happen?”

His eyes immediately darted to the Hokage Tower but nothing looked untoward. Then, what Uzumaki could only assume was some sort of explosion, shook the ground briefly.

“Sasuke,” Naruto swallowed, feeling fear he hadn’t yet truly felt in Konoha until now begin to bubble, “I’m a little concerned right now. When I say a little, I mean I’m close to losing my shit.”

Uchiha grabbed Naruto’s wrist and pulled him closer without seeming to realise and shaded his eyes against the morning sun, looking to where the explosion clearly took place as smoke spiralled into the otherwise clear sky.

“It’s the south wall,” he locked his gaze on Naruto then, calm but alert, other hand flicking open a weapons container at his thigh automatically as he prepared a kunai. “It looks like the village is under attack.”

A muddle of thoughts hit Naruto then, prefaced by ‘oh shit’. Were ninja perpetually prepared for fights with the way they carried a crapton of weapons around on their person? Who the hell would attack a village so blatantly? Were attacks common for Sasuke to be so freaking collected about it? Was Konoha’s Uzumaki okay because Naruto sure as shit knew all of the clones shouldn’t have fucked off like that.

“I have to find Uzumaki,” Sasuke started, eyes flicking between the rising smoke and Naruto’s wide-eyed stare. “For his clones to dispel like that, and all at once-” he shook his head “-he’s either fighting hard or the seal’s cracking. Either way, that’s where I need to be.”

“Yeah,” Naruto murmured, at a loss and way out of his depth. “Of course, yeah.”

“I have to go. Right now.”

Naruto nodded.

But Sasuke hesitated, his hand still tight around Naruto’s wrist. He stowed his kunai for a moment to form a hand sign, and with a pop there was a second Sasuke watching Naruto seriously.

“I don’t have the chakra reserves like Uzumaki to keep this clone going for long,” he said quietly, “but you should be able to reach the Tower before it expires. It’s safest for you there.”

Naruto was inclined to disagree… he felt a fuckload safer wherever the kooky Uchiha was, but he didn’t want to get in the way. Or _die_. He felt far more uneasy than he was willing to admit, but since explosions, attacks and demons weren’t in his usual daily experiences he figured it was perfectly acceptable to feel a mite scared in his current situation.

Rather like passing the baton in a relay, the clone grabbed his other wrist and Sasuke let go slowly.

“I’ll find you after, right?” Sasuke said roughly, suddenly, his eyes intense. “I’ve just got to do my duty.”

Naruto couldn’t help but grin, and then laugh, feeling giddy for a moment. “Man, you’re being really cool right now. You’re putting me way to shame.”

Sasuke smiled, teeth and all, gave his clone a nod and then leapt away with the ninja ease Naruto would never not be in awe of. If that was the last time Uzumaki saw that crazy bastard, he would be pissed off for life.

Sasuke’s clone tugged on his wrist. “Let’s go.”

They stuck to the back streets to avoid as much of the panicked crowds as possible, pausing when another explosion shook the village (“East wall,” Sasuke’s clone had muttered) making it to the Hokage Tower in good time. Naruto was beyond pleased to meet Shikamaru at the entrance.

“I met Sasuke a while ago,” Nara explained, nodding at the clone as it dispelled and pulling Naruto inside. “He said you were on your way.”

“What the fuck’s going on?” Naruto asked by way of greeting, his calm well and truly shattered by Shikamaru’s guarded and quick movement.

Nara stopped them in an empty office as more ninja hurried past. Clearly, Uzumaki thought with trepidation, the village was on high alert.

“It’s not good,” his friend replied after a long moment of deliberation. “I suspect the explosions aren’t the real threat. I… I think it might be a last ditch Akatsuki effort.”

Naruto blinked, confused. His questioning of Uzumaki’s clones had led to some brief mention of Akatsuki, but he knew little. A group that started good, went bad, was mostly wiped out. He couldn’t remember much else, fancy black coats with red clouds, something about the tailed demons? It wasn’t a topic he had pursued with all the other cool things he wanted to know about. Of course, now that it seemed rather important, he sorta wished he had.

“What, like… a diversion, or something?”

Shikamaru nodded. He shifted and glanced at the stairs behind them that led up the Tower, toward the Hokage’s office.

“We aren’t in a good position. Our forces are scattered, dealing with the aftermath of the attacks, and some of our best shinobi are somewhat indisposed.”

The way Nara stressed his last comment sent Naruto’s hair prickling up against his skin. Kakashi had said his team was probably the village’s best, and Konoha’s Uzumaki was the next big deal after Tsunade…

He wasn’t a fucking idiot. Team Kakashi was, if he read between the lines, _indisposed_. He could think of only one reason that might be.

And Sasuke himself had said if Uzumaki wasn’t fighting then the seal was busted.

“The shit,” Naruto said, “has hit the proverbial fan.”

“Quite,” Shikamaru mustered a hollow shadow of a chuckle. “You stay here, I need to-”

The Tower shuddered with a third rattling explosion that hit the building directly.

“Jeezuz fuck,” Naruto whispered, the gravity of the situation beginning to truly hit home.

“That was upstairs. Team Kakashi’s going to need some back up,” Shikamaru stepped toward the stairs, looking back at Naruto with a wry half grin. “Feel free to go ahead and open your invisible gateway. I sure wouldn’t blame you.”

Naruto shrugged helplessly. He was shitting himself so wasn’t entirely sure why a door hadn’t appeared in front of his nose offering blessed sanctuary.

“It’s kinda troublesome but I need to do my job. Please, stay safe, Naruto,” Shikamaru held his gaze for a moment longer before saluting and bolting upstairs, blurring with augmented speed.

Uzumaki stared at the spot his friend had been standing seconds ago, deliberating. Self-preservation suggested he hide under a desk and hope like hell he didn’t die. A healthy dose of fear was telling him the exact same thing.

But he was slightly concerned this crazy and amazing world was done for anyway as he had it on rather good authority that there was no contingency plan if Plan A of Demon Extraction was ballsed up. Current events suggested it was highly likely it was well on its way to getting majorly ballsed up further by this Akatsuki.

Ballsed up meant Konoha’s Uzumaki died and stayed dead. Maybe that had already happened, Naruto considered, stomach swooping horribly.

That Sasuke would keep the Fox in check for, well, ever.

And he didn’t even know how Akatsuki fitted into the situation but figured it wouldn’t be Ctrl+Z or magical fixes.

Naruto stared up the stairs.

“Everyone I sort of like and care about is up there,” he said out loud. “Shikamaru, you fucker.”

Sasuke’s up there, he added to himself.

And he’d be pissed off for life if he didn’t see that crazy bastard one more time.

Now that the stupid cactus was doing so well with a bit of TLC, Naruto was loath to stop watering it.

He bolted up the stairs after Shikamaru.


End file.
